Thursday, January 04, 2007

Celebrity N-Eeeew Year's Resolution

Some of the Ewww Celebrities New Years Resolution.

Oops did I really write that? I mean THAT letter for ROBERT ALTMAN. I mean I must admit I wrote that letter when I had a little fun with friends at HYDE CLUB, and pop me some pills but I know I'm sober! I really am! Now that got me thinking, I promise in 2007 I will not drink and drive anymore, I will not drink and make love to... to...Wilmer Valde...uhmmm...oh no its Aaron Carter...wait I think it's Nick or was it Jimmy?!!

Oh. It's Robert Altmen...yeah he's the one! Thanks to Alcoholics Androgynous I am now a learned and ADEQUITE woman. Hallelujah!

Brandon Davis:

Oh my God my head is aching so bad! I didn't realize calling Lindsay Lohan "firecrotch" would lead to this! No one told me that LiLo is actually Jean Grey in disguise! And by calling her firecrotch, I have awaken The Phoenix in her and now she's controlling my mind. That explains the red hair in her----Nooo!! I don't wanna say that anymore! I'm sorry Paris told me to diss Linds and I'm so sorry! Please dont turn me into a fat, greasy walrus!! Please!!!

Jennifer Lopez:

Ola! This year I promise to only have one husband , and make sure that he's is not somebody else's husband. And while I'm still with skeletor; I'll make sure I'll feed him well so he wont look as disgustingly scary like he is today. Oh well, at least he has a BIG----- eyes. I wont have a hard time groping in the dark especially with these stilettos on, which btw is killing my feet, given I have the heaviest behind in the industry; I'm afraid these shoes will snap anytime.

Atleast I have something to crack The Jenny from the Block of Ice come cocktails. Buenas Tardes!

Pam Anderson:

I together with Jennifer Lopez will open the Wives Who Can't Have Enough Of Husbands Foundation this 2007. I mean I'm totally gonna change my ways and open up the doors for ladies who have the insatiable appetite for different husbands. Also I plan to fully extend my support on PETA by offering my Hepatitis C as a humane and ethical way to kill animals. I mean skinning animals and beating them to death is horrifying so I'll just inject them some of my old needles here and there so they would die peacefully.

I also would like to have another boob job. No silly! I'm not gonna have it bigger coz my doc told me its the largest at CUP double GG. I would like to add an additional boob. A third one! Now that's going to be swell right??!

Britney Spears:

Now what did I tell you guys?! I HAVE A VAGINA! Did you see that? Huh huh?! Okay I'm gonna count to NEW YEAR guys okay? I mean okay???!!! Answer or you'll get a taste of my thunder thighs walloping your back head! Okay 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2... (THUG). zzzZZZZzzZZZzZZZzZZZzZZz...

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