Thursday, March 15, 2007

I'm Sorry

Hi guys, I haven't been able to blog for sometime because of work. I was transferred to another site and therefore, I'm kind of adjusting to the new location. Plus the work is doubly hard so I might not be able to blog for a few days more...Add to that, my laptop just broke. So I'll talk to you soon...btw enjoy the archives for the meantime okay? I love you all!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Case Of The Legless Lady

Legend has it that once there was a country singer named Natalie Maines, who was at one time, hated by the patriotic nation of the United States for ridiculing the President with his war campaign against Iraq. Apparently, this lady was punished for the supposed crime against the American Nation.

Last Oscars , at the Vanity Fair's Post Oscar Party, the GHOST OF THE LEGLESS LADY allegedly appeared scaring the guests out of their wits. She appeared in a red gown with only one leg driving all the guests to run away in fear.

Apparently, she is back to avenge the untimely demise of her right leg and make the people responsible for her lost leg, pay for the crime done unto her.

God Bless her soul...I mean her leg...

Jenna Elfman And Her Baby-Eating Husband

Jenna: Ok hunney, that's enough. I mean STOP IT, it's not funny anymore. You told me you'll just have a small sip of the womb juice but now you're eating our baby's umbilical cord! No no no! You don't have to do everything that Scientology tells you! I dont give a f*$%^ng care if Tom Cruise gets mad at you and ask aliens abduct your mother! Just lay off my stomach! This is our child! Stop eating him!!!! Stop sucking his blood! NOW!

Friday, March 09, 2007

I'm Back From Boracay!

I'm back guys! I'm sorry I wasn't able to say a proper goodbye last time because there wasn't an interent connection to where I went to. I went on a 5-day vacation to the Tropical Paradise of Boracay! FYI Boracay was voted as one of the best beaches in the whole world. It has the whitest, finest sands and the clearest blue water! I missed all of you! Can't wait to blog again! Mwah!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

He, I Mean She, No He--She! Whatever!

Let's put together the:

Face of 50-CENT
Body of Usher

    Beyonce's Weave

Lil' Kim's Eyebrows

And what do you get?

The Queen Of Snout

The Queen Of Pout Became The Queen Of Snout. According to the National Enquirer, the would be fashion guru for the anorexic population was allegedly chased by pigs.

Not by obese, anti-anorexia groups but by real, live HOGS.

"A source told the National Enquirer, 'Victoria was being shown around the
science lab when two pet pot-bellied pigs, who are allowed to roam free,
snuffled up to her.'
Instead of warming to the pigs and petting them, Posh
fled the scene with the source adding, 'She screamed, 'Get it away!', and tried
to run away in her high heels. It was hysterical, everyone was trying so hard
not to laugh.'
Don't try teaching pigs to pout Posh… "

Victoria Beckham's US visit didn't go as well as she'd have us all believe, after it was revealed she was the victim of a pig attack.
The incident happened when the Queen of Pout was viewing schools in LA for her three sons.
As she visited a science block in one school, a pack of pot belly pigs made a b-line for the would-be fashion guru.

How ironic, when I always thought that she looked like an emaciated pig herself. It's the NOSE Posh. Do something about that. We can see your actual BRAIN with those snouts. Not that there are a lot to begin with.


The Many Fruits In Jennifer Hudson's Life

I didn't know you could bring in coconuts to the Oscar's? Hmmm Jennifer Hudson must indeed
be a crowd favorite for allowing her this privilege...

I can't help but to visualize that it's a banana that Jennifer Hudson was holding...and she is a

big brown--err--never mind... Congrats Jhud!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Jessica As Red Riding Hood

Here are some fabulous comments about Jessica Simpson's upcoming movie BLONDE AMBITION:

"This “movie” will be the final nail in this trash’s coffin/career. Can’t wait for this to come out so we can all move on and never have to see this bimbo again! Still can’t believe John Mayer is dating her. I just deleted all of his songs from my itunes library."

"First thing I thought when I saw those pics: Shirley Temple: The Whore Years."

"Hey, I just saw Jessica shooting that movie on 19th and 5th.I have a few pix, but don’t know how to post them…my thought about the movie idea - is it really called acting when a dumb blond plays a dumb blond? lol"

'"She is gorgeous. I’m sure this will get her an Academy Award."

"So banging Nick Lachey made her famous?"
"Man, who knew she had such squatty troll legs? She is pretty good at hiding them. "

"After updates on nicole richie and the bigot heiress who gets away with everything, i have to give jessie her props. at least she IS working, and isn’t famous just for being famous. I hope Ms. Simpson does well."

Attack Of The Killer Nails

Foxy Brown recently escaped jail time when she pleaded guilty of mauling nail technicians in a Florida salon. Well I guess she promised the judge a year service of manicure in exchange to rotting in jail.

Foxy: "See I told you? My ass wont be serving jail anytime coz of THESE! My nails! I can scratch you with these! Kill you with these! Even rip your neck with these! Hehe! I am Foxy The Nail Clipper!"

Girl beside FOXY thought : Oh WTF! How come she got away with that? That dumb ass judge! I'd be serving her claws again! I don't want her doing THAT to hurts, it's invasive! I think I'd kill myself later..."

Almost There Tara, Almost There

At a recent outing, Tara Reid was again, thank goodness, photographed looking like this. I think Tara is really trying hard to regain her lost career ( was there any in the first place?). She's looking mighty fine in her simple dress, complemented by a make up that enhances her best asset--her BOTCHED STOMACH AND GARGANTUAN BOOBS-- joke! I mean, her light blue sparkling eyes. Her skin was also fabulous and dewy, and unbelievably devoid of any age lines.

She was also photographed in a bikini and again for the first time, sometime last week--she didn't traumatize kids with her frankenstein stomach this time. Whoever's the doctor/miracle worker/messiah responsible for this miracle is beyond me, but he/she sure did a good job landscaping the un-landscapable. I have a feeling it was Madame Tussaud who did the job. It was a wax figure right?

Going back to the recent Tara Reid photo in a green dress, it was pretty alright, it fitted her perfectly, without squeezing her wax boobs to frankensteinish proportions--until you scroll down...

Does the lack of movie projects caused Tara to be so peniless that she had to recycle an old gown into a cocktail dress? And if she did why be so hasty not to even sew it properly? I mean look at the hemline of that dress. She just single-handedly destroyed the beauty of a gown and a cocktail dress simultaneously. It would have been great to see that dress full-length or just a little above her knees. It looked like the heavy curtain that opens whenever a play is about to start in a theater. I bet that play sucks.

But you're almost there Tara. Almost there.

It Goes Best With A Starbucks

What goes best with a hot Venti Size STARBUCKS COFFEE? Scroll Down.

A thick Ham Sandwich of course! Courtesy of Sophie Monk.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Beyonce Is Finally Kinky

Beyonce has finally went back to her kinky roots. LITERALLY.

I believe that the hair she was wearing when she visited TRL was her real hair. What do you think? I think it's a refreshing departure from the same old tired weave that she was so used to sport, and this curly locks that she's sporting right now finally gave her that refreshing, exuberant air of youth. She looked like a young Diana Ross sans the freaky mousy eyes. I lurve it! I just LURVE it!

I'm not so sure about the outfit though.

Is it a jacket? I don't think so. Is it a dress? I'm not sure. Dis something wrong happened to the real dress that she was supposed to wear that she had to grab one of Jay-Z's army inspired hip-hop jacket and tried making us believe it was actually hers?

This military/sex worker inspired dress is appropriate if you are a hooker sent by the U.S. governement to give pleasure to the war-weary soldiers in the Middle East. But it's not for Beyonce. It's for Rihanna! Hahahaha! Joking!

Our Harry Potter Bares His Behind!

From: The Daily Mail

It won't be for reasons of modesty - Radcliffe, 17, has shown himself to be remarkably relaxed about exposing his naked body to the world - but there are those who wonder whether this full-on display, in the West End revival of Peter Schaffer's play Equus, could prove ultimately damaging to the teenage star's career.

Rear view: Daniel Radcliffe spends a full 10 minutes on stage naked in Equus
Already extremely famous for doing one thing - playing a boy wizard - there is a danger, they argue, that he could end up being known for doing one other thing - getting his kit off.

More clothes: Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter
In the play, enjoying its first major revival since it was first staged more than 30 years ago, Radcliffe plays stablehand Alan Strang, who blinds six horses with a metal spike after a disturbing sexual experience.
Executives at Warner Bros, the studio behind the film versions of J K Rowling's books, are said to have been "utterly dismayed" by publicity shots of Radcliffe naked, as well as the fact that he spends a full 10 minutes on stage without his clothes.
He will not be the only performer in the nude: there is also Joanna Christie, 24, who plays the stablegirl with whom he has a relationship.
Studio chiefs are said to fear the scenes could damage their multi-million-dollar film franchise and could even lead to Radcliffe being replaced as the young wizard.
One was quoted as saying: "Warner Bros have been building up their publicity machine for Harry's first - chaste - screen kiss when the next Potter film (Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix) comes out in the summer.
"Now our star is out there doing full-frontal sex. We've been blown completely out of the water by this."
Equus has its preview tonight at the Gielgud Theatre. The play opens on 27 February.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I Need Your Help!!!

Ei guys, can I ask a giant favor from you? I mean I've just started this blog like mid-November and I've been getting a lot of good and bad feedbacks. Well I'm still happy coz good or bad feedback is still a feedback. Atleast you find something here that you either rave or rant about.

And for you guys who always keep on coming back for my unprofessional and very very bad writing, I thank you, steelerblogger from Colorado, you my dear reader from Benguet, Addition Hills, The one from China, the guy from Procter and Gamble from AOL...even the guy from the Presidential Office...those people that I so often see coming back to be traumatized by my bad writing. THANK YOU.

Now one favor from you guys.

Can you help me spread the word about my little blog? I mean it would be so much fun and inspiring to write fun stuff if there are a lot of crazy people reading it. You could tell them about my blog thru email, thru your own blog and maybe we could link each others blog so we can help one another and be one big happy blogging family!

You could also email me personally at and give me suggestions and stuff that you would want me to write about or ANY negative comment so I could improve on my bad writing and humour that i know SUCKS big time! I promise I'll write back! I swear I'm willing to trade my first born child! Joke!

Thank you so much! Hope to hear from you soon okay? I'm begging you... hahahaha!

Much love,
Gurl next Door

Ewww Fashion: Dior Ready To Wear/Pret-A-PorterFall/Winter 200-2008

I don't wanna say I'm an expert in fashion, nor in creativity in general. But what I do know is that is that I can actually determine what is pleasing to the eye and what is not. What is beautiful and practical and what is just plain absurd and ugly.

Here is the Ready To Wear Collection of Dior by John Galliano.

Keep in mind that it is READY TO WEAR. Uhm one question, ready to wear where? To Battle Star Galactica? To the Martian Jungle if there is any, or go trodding the hills--which are alive with the sound of music. Tiptoe ala prima ballerina in the Chinese rice terraces perhaps? Let me count the ways:
Clothes that Galiano designed that will surely send the PETA people to insanity. Fur, pelt and exotic skin galore! I'm pretty sure the PETA people are cutting themselves by now one painful part at a time.

Now, the clothes that are just plain ugly and absurd.

This is Dior's take on a Parisian mademoiselle that somehow magically becomes an Asian rice peddler/prostitute that again, magically was able to afford a crocodile and fur galore ensemble. Nevermind that she's wearing sky high platforms on a muddy Asian street.

A dress that your 5 year old kid can make out of folding papers. Origami anyone? NOT water resistant btw.
Fugly shoes. Look at the heels, please look at the heels! I don't know but it looks like a vibrator made from exotic skin! That would hurt!

But of course there are dresses that are actually WEARABLE and might even look good on humans.

Hugh Hefner Will Marry Holly!

Let's all celebrate and give thanks coz Hugh Hefner is finally marrying Holly (whoever she is). Marrying the playboy tycoon is every proud parents dream come true for their doting little girls. Aside of course from the hefty amount of money she will be getting, let's not forget the never-ending sexual marathon Mr. Hefner can provide (cough cough). Who could resist marrying a guy who is just barely in his early 100's, with a skin of a chewed, tastless gum and a fashion sense of an octogenarian sailor on crystal meth. I would be wearing my best corset get up that will squeeze my boobs to unbelievable proportions, just like Holly if I was offered marriage by this HOT bachelor.

Holly: Hey Maria! Send in the wheelchair here you bitch, I'm already beside the pool! Did you put him to sleep?! Good! Now help me push push PUSH!!!

2007 Academy Awards Special: Jessica Biel

"Hey guys...look at me, just look at me. Am I fabulous or what? Yeah this is the body that sent Cameron Diaz' insanity to snap. I mean I did try so hard to downplay my bootylicious body with this hot pink excuse for a dress and a little help from my dad's good ol' belt.

Am I THE HOTNESS or what...You know, sometimes I try not to look in the mirror that much coz I can't help thanking God for making me soo exotically beautiful despite having the largest mouth in the biz.

Okay to further stress my point, I will compare my boobs with that fat obese woman in white. Ugh! Don't she have any fashion sense at all? I mean she's all fat and gooey and she's wearing a white ruched frock for crying out loud!? Don't she totally look like a detergent bubble? That's what you get for eating too much Cheetos every night. Ewww.

Okay, so here it is, now THERE! Can you see the difference between MY boobs and her tubs of lard? See! *wiggle wiggle* Oh look Mama! No hands! It's still WAY up there!"


2007 Academy Awards Special: Eddie Murphy

Guys, Eddie Murphy has just brought in her REAL wife and the mother of his kids, an intergalactic ice skater diva from Mars. Actually she is a cyborg, which is actually part human part microchip which explains the stumped, catatonic smile and the emotionless stare that seems to say " My home is so far far away, up there where no earthling has ever gone.One day, I shall return..."

Too bad she is being held captive by a Hollywood actor with bad skin tone and yucky tuxedo. He seems to say " Look at my bride, isn't she pretty? She's not SCARY right?! And look, she's like 3 years pregnant but no bump huh?! I'm the man! I'm the MAN!!!"

Yeah right.