Thursday, March 15, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Last Oscars , at the Vanity Fair's Post Oscar Party, the GHOST OF THE LEGLESS LADY allegedly appeared scaring the guests out of their wits. She appeared in a red gown with only one leg driving all the guests to run away in fear.
Apparently, she is back to avenge the untimely demise of her right leg and make the people responsible for her lost leg, pay for the crime done unto her.
God Bless her soul...I mean her leg...
Friday, March 09, 2007
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Not by obese, anti-anorexia groups but by real, live HOGS.
How ironic, when I always thought that she looked like an emaciated pig herself. It's the NOSE Posh. Do something about that. We can see your actual BRAIN with those snouts. Not that there are a lot to begin with.
"A source told the National Enquirer, 'Victoria was being shown around the
science lab when two pet pot-bellied pigs, who are allowed to roam free,
snuffled up to her.'
Instead of warming to the pigs and petting them, Posh
fled the scene with the source adding, 'She screamed, 'Get it away!', and tried
to run away in her high heels. It was hysterical, everyone was trying so hard
not to laugh.'
Don't try teaching pigs to pout Posh… "
Victoria Beckham's US visit didn't go as well as she'd have us all believe, after it was revealed she was the victim of a pig attack.
The incident happened when the Queen of Pout was viewing schools in LA for her three sons.
As she visited a science block in one school, a pack of pot belly pigs made a b-line for the would-be fashion guru. "
I can't help but to visualize that it's a banana that Jennifer Hudson was holding...and she is a
big brown--err--never mind... Congrats Jhud!
Friday, March 02, 2007
Going back to the recent Tara Reid photo in a green dress, it was pretty alright, it fitted her perfectly, without squeezing her wax boobs to frankensteinish proportions--until you scroll down...Does the lack of movie projects caused Tara to be so peniless that she had to recycle an old gown into a cocktail dress? And if she did why be so hasty not to even sew it properly? I mean look at the hemline of that dress. She just single-handedly destroyed the beauty of a gown and a cocktail dress simultaneously. It would have been great to see that dress full-length or just a little above her knees. It looked like the heavy curtain that opens whenever a play is about to start in a theater. I bet that play sucks.
But you're almost there Tara. Almost there.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Is it a jacket? I don't think so. Is it a dress? I'm not sure. Dis something wrong happened to the real dress that she was supposed to wear that she had to grab one of Jay-Z's army inspired hip-hop jacket and tried making us believe it was actually hers?
This military/sex worker inspired dress is appropriate if you are a hooker sent by the U.S. governement to give pleasure to the war-weary soldiers in the Middle East. But it's not for Beyonce. It's for Rihanna! Hahahaha! Joking!
Rear view: Daniel Radcliffe spends a full 10 minutes on stage naked in Equus
Already extremely famous for doing one thing - playing a boy wizard - there is a danger, they argue, that he could end up being known for doing one other thing - getting his kit off.
More clothes: Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter
In the play, enjoying its first major revival since it was first staged more than 30 years ago, Radcliffe plays stablehand Alan Strang, who blinds six horses with a metal spike after a disturbing sexual experience.
Executives at Warner Bros, the studio behind the film versions of J K Rowling's books, are said to have been "utterly dismayed" by publicity shots of Radcliffe naked, as well as the fact that he spends a full 10 minutes on stage without his clothes.
He will not be the only performer in the nude: there is also Joanna Christie, 24, who plays the stablegirl with whom he has a relationship.
Studio chiefs are said to fear the scenes could damage their multi-million-dollar film franchise and could even lead to Radcliffe being replaced as the young wizard.
One was quoted as saying: "Warner Bros have been building up their publicity machine for Harry's first - chaste - screen kiss when the next Potter film (Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix) comes out in the summer.
"Now our star is out there doing full-frontal sex. We've been blown completely out of the water by this."
Equus has its preview tonight at the Gielgud Theatre. The play opens on 27 February.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
And for you guys who always keep on coming back for my unprofessional and very very bad writing, I thank you, steelerblogger from Colorado, you my dear reader from Benguet, Addition Hills, The one from China, the guy from Procter and Gamble from AOL...even the guy from the Presidential Office...those people that I so often see coming back to be traumatized by my bad writing. THANK YOU.
Now one favor from you guys.
Can you help me spread the word about my little blog? I mean it would be so much fun and inspiring to write fun stuff if there are a lot of crazy people reading it. You could tell them about my blog thru email, thru your own blog and maybe we could link each others blog so we can help one another and be one big happy blogging family!
You could also email me personally at firstname.lastname@example.org and give me suggestions and stuff that you would want me to write about or ANY negative comment so I could improve on my bad writing and humour that i know SUCKS big time! I promise I'll write back! I swear I'm willing to trade my first born child! Joke!
Thank you so much! Hope to hear from you soon okay? I'm begging you... hahahaha!
Gurl next Door
Now, the clothes that are just plain ugly and absurd.This is Dior's take on a Parisian mademoiselle that somehow magically becomes an Asian rice peddler/prostitute that again, magically was able to afford a crocodile and fur galore ensemble. Nevermind that she's wearing sky high platforms on a muddy Asian street.
A dress that your 5 year old kid can make out of folding papers. Origami anyone? NOT water resistant btw.
But of course there are dresses that are actually WEARABLE and might even look good on humans.
Holly: Hey Maria! Send in the wheelchair here you bitch, I'm already beside the pool! Did you put him to sleep?! Good! Now help me push push PUSH!!!
Am I THE HOTNESS or what...You know, sometimes I try not to look in the mirror that much coz I can't help thanking God for making me soo exotically beautiful despite having the largest mouth in the biz.
Okay to further stress my point, I will compare my boobs with that fat obese woman in white. Ugh! Don't she have any fashion sense at all? I mean she's all fat and gooey and she's wearing a white ruched frock for crying out loud!? Don't she totally look like a detergent bubble? That's what you get for eating too much Cheetos every night. Ewww.
Okay, so here it is, now THERE! Can you see the difference between MY boobs and her tubs of lard? See! *wiggle wiggle* Oh look Mama! No hands! It's still WAY up there!"
MyGod I'm So PERFECT!
Too bad she is being held captive by a Hollywood actor with bad skin tone and yucky tuxedo. He seems to say " Look at my bride, isn't she pretty? She's not SCARY right?! And look, she's like 3 years pregnant but no bump whatsoever...cool huh?! I'm the man! I'm the MAN!!!"
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
But who would have thought that this "nobody" would sweep all acting tropies from almost all major acting award-giving body, land herself a cover from VOGUE and snatch an Oscar for her first ever movie role. That is AWESOME.
But that, doesn't give her the slightest right, to STEAL my little brother's silver cowboy jacket costume. I mean he was supposed to wear it on his 6th birthday as a Lone Ranger and Silver crossbreed rolled into one little tyke. Imagine the horror when I saw it on Hudson wearing it to the Oscars. Golly wow, how did that lil' thing fit on her?
Give that jacket to my lil' brother Jennifer! For one, STEALING is not a good thing. TWO, making little kids lose their appetite and cry the whole week is unforgivable. So give us that jacket back. It doesn't fit you and it looks horrible on your dress. You looked like a Black Grecian Goddess crossbred with Cowgirl's Got The Blues sort of girl. GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!
But what I don't understand is that, why oh why do you have to uglify yourself in the process. I mean, look at Jenna Jameson, if you don't know her at all, would you think she is the Greatest Pornstar that ever lived by looking at this photo? The fake tan, the weave, the boobs and the lips that seem to be permanently puckered up. Is it a vain symbolic attempt to tell everyone that her vagina is still intact and plump after all those years of use and abuse? Since well, the vag is the "2nd lips" right? Oh well, maybe it is just my crazy idea, but look at her, I mean LOOK AT HER. She's all dried up and pruned, she actually looked King Tuts mummified remain in a yellow dress. Oh well, maybe, you cant have it all.
Boinking HOT STUDS every waking, working day isn't so bad though. I'm actually thinking of big career change. Hahahaha! Joke.
Her dress which was ill fitting btw, and looked like it was about to be stalked by a troop of hot iron any moment now, obviously didn't have the time to straighten out the dress, making it look like a slightly-used table napkin. Good thing the Oscars didn't have dinner during the show, Cameron, out of sheer desperation might actual try and offer herself to be the portable, walking napkin for everyone. All she has to do is just lay in her knees and let that flapping table napkin on her neckline wipe whatever remained from the scrumptious dinner. Very benevolent Cammy.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
And notice those freaky, ghoulish-ly long eyelashes that looked like a pair of tarantula laying their eggs on her eyes.
I am also not loving the pineapple-inspired cuff bracelet.
Jlo seemed to say, "If I keep still in this position, then I would be forever young and lovely... ohhh but my nape is hurting so bad i think I'm having a stiff neck."
1. She is too old for her Sexagenarian-Indian-Witch-Doctor/Sex-Worker ensemble.
2. Red hair is scary on her.
3. She is wearing out Television cover for crying out loud.
So now you feel like you are Rapunzel? Okay the Beast is coming up and he's about to rip your skanky hair extensions for stealing Belle's wedding gown so you better get your little viruses up and about to defend you from the Beast's wrath! Atleast you can give him someting to share to Beauty in case they do make out after. Ewww.