Foxy Brown Is Not A Fox

Foxy Brown is not a fox, she is a RACOON with green eyeshadows.

Look at the expression on her face. It is CLASSIC. It's as if she finally smelled how horrid she actually is. Apparently, Foxy attacked two nail technicians in a beauty salon. Well I would assume that the two nail technicians started working on her mouth since it resembles a toenail if you ask me. Who wouldn't be angry if someone started painting your generous lips with lacquer right?

Btw, this is the mugshot taken from the police station, I wonder how was she able to put on that fugly eyeshadow while in the commotion and chaos of being arrested. Interesting.

Britney Does A Sinead O' Connor

Via US Magazine:A source at the salon says, "Britney came in and said she wanted them to shave her head." According to the source, when the hairdresser refused, "Britney grabbed the hair clipper and started doing it herself."We were there again when at about 8:30 p.m. Britney arrived at Body & Soul Tattoo in Sherman Oaks. Store employee Emily Wynne-Hughes (in the youtube video above) tells Usmagazine.com that Britney arrived at the parlor agitated and, when asked why she shaved her head, replied, "I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of everybody touching me." Hughes adds, "She wasn't making sense at all and you could tell she's not in a good place at all, and that she is totally freaking out."

Hughes tells us Britney then got a black-white-and-pink cross tattooed on her lower hip and red-and-pink lips on her wrist. The price: $80. Britney was not an ideal subject, however.

"She was a nightmare to deal with," says Hughes. "She was screaming and flipping out from the pain and wiggling her body all around.At one point during Britney's one-hour visit, Hughes asked Britney why there was a pink stain on her fluffy white handbag and Britney said she had "spilled Nyquil all over it."

Hughes, who was somewhere between appalled and concerned by what she saw, adds, "After she left the shop we all just looked around and said to each other, 'We just saw a huge celebrity on the verge of a nervous breakdown.'"

Jennifer Lopez Weeps

Jennifer Lopez's movie Bordertown recently held a mini-screening at the Berlin Film festival. And while she was waiting for viewers to go jumping up and down in delight after the screening ended, something terrible, at least for her happened.

The audience BOOED her.

She jumped from the balcony of the theater after.

Haha that was a joke, but she was indeed booed, yes it's for real girls!

She wept after that. Here are the photos.

But I am not here to talk about the crying fiasco. I'm here to talk about how J lo looked in these photos. My Gawd she is OLD. Look at all those lines. Revel at her crow's feet and laugh lines! And the MAKE UP, it looked like a cake with icing galore left under the glaring light of the spotlight to melt.

Well, you'll get over that Jlo, just open your purse and give money to Scientology and you'll see...you are going to be very happy...That's a Scientology promise.

Gwyneth Paltrow In Her First Starring Role After 2 Years

Gwyneth Paltrow starring as the CORPSE BRIDE.

Aliens Are Indeed Among Us

Indeed, aliens are among us and their are wreaking havoc to visually impair us earthlings. Who knows, someday they might even eat our first born child and preserve their placentas for Thanksgiving. So before that happens, we have to join forces in destroying these aliens from Scientology.
We have to save the world from these aliens in disguise as Marc Anthony, who is actually SKELETOR. Jlo who is actually a monster with a fat ass who's wearing a satin bedsheet in the photo btw, Tom Cruise, who is actually the DEVIL in disguise, Katie Holmes who is in fact the chosen one to conceive...errr whatever.

I definitely think Mariah Carey is the only person who can vanquish these alien entities. I mean she can just go on top of the tallest building and shriek her lungs out till she drops dead. I'm pretty sure their heads will explode and turn their green blood black.

But course at the end, Mariah will perkily ressurect, fake boobs and extensions smiling for the camera on her right angle and everyone will live happily ever after.

My boss is pressuring me right now so I'm kinda writing nonsense hahaha!

Ewww.

Separated At Birth

Hi, I know you have seen me way way before. Ok let's play Russian Roulette...errr GUESS WHO AM I.

• My movie was a big blockbuster in the early '90's


• I played opposite Winona Ryder


• I have unruly hair (which is obvious.)


• I wear tons of foundation in the movie! Darn.


• You still don't get it???? Dumb! I have SCISSORS for hands!

I give up!!

WTF! Mariah Flies Economy Class

While filming Tennessee, the exciting new independent film from Oscar-worthy Mariah Carey, who btw learned a southern accent for the movie, she needed to fly to location but since the independent film is in a tight budget, Mariah had to fly there in Economy class.

Can you believe that??!! Mariah? Who once allegedly asked a hotel to spray paint butterflies on the carpet a night before her arrival would take the Economy Class?

Before you start fainting, Mariah Carey in a true diva fashion, indeed flew Economy BUT...

Bought all the seats at the Economy and flew alone on the economy cabin.

Now isn't that DIVALICIOUS?

I lurve Mimi!

Kate Moss, The Fashion World's Great Mystery

All the world knows Kate is beautiful, and the camera ADORES her. Her little imperfections only sums up to a very sensual and attractive image. Her wonky eyes, her slightly crooked front teeth and of course her legs that seemed she just spent her childhood riding a carabao. Yes, she is BOWLEGGED. Just like Xtina Aguilera, they have legs that looks like a giant orifice.



But again, aside from the obvious that she's getting older, and her coke-induced lifestyle, not to mention her boyfriend who is narcotics-personified is takilng it's toll on her. She looks kinda old right? And why oh why did she have to wear something that made her look like agiant unfurled umbrella? Is it raining outside? Or is she auditioning for Swan Lake but this time the whole production will be dressed in black?



I wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. There are a lot weird things going on inside the mind of a style icon with a personal life as organized as the stars in the universe.



I mean who in their right mind would date a guy like THIS?!


DIRTY, LONG NAILS!

Ewww!!!

What is wrong with all these girls? Is it fashionable for a beautiful, successful girl to waste her time on a lesser known, destruction-in-flesh-boyfriend??

I give up.

The Sum Of All Fears: Bai Ling

Ever imagine how a horror movie would look like if you crossbreed all of the scariest Hollywood and Asian films of all time? Yeah I'm into crossbreeding right now so bear with me.

Think,

The Exorcist

The Ring

The Grudge

The Messengers

And all the freaky monsters in the Thirteenth Ghosts

and what do you get?

Horrifying isn't it? I can't even look!

Selma Blair is That You?

This is how Tinkerbell will look like if she loses her wings and sprinkled all her gold dust onto herself and had glorious sex with Peter Pan while he was asleep. I don't know how Peter's dong would fit but it's not my problem anymore! It's Tinkerbell's!

Somehow, she succesfully managed to look like an Easter European twink pornstar in drag. How about that???

Btw, I'm talking bout THE Tinkerbell. Paris Hilton's dog. Joking!

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Carrie Underwood

The HAWAIIAN FEVER at the Grammy's didn't stop with Beyonce.

Carrie Underwood wore a dress that is a crossbreed of something a Sunday School Teacher would wear during her Praise and Worship in church and a Grass skirt for a unique hula dance. Who would have thought that mixing Hawaiian Folk Song and Country Music would sound so good! I wonder where Lilo and Stitch is?

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Fergie

WARNING KIDS: This is how you're mommies gonna look like if you become disobedient.

They'd go crazy and would start peeing in their pants just like what she always tell you not to do. And she would start wearing a dress YOUR size made out of fish scales from last night grilled fish dinner. She would start hanging out with your older sister's HOT boyfriend and wear heels like that of a hooker at Sunset Boulevard.

Scary isn't it? So kids please behave or your mommies will turn out like this hideous woman in the photo. Okay?

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Beyonce

Beyonce is seen her singing a song from the DREAMGIRLS movie at the Grammy's. I mean she looked hot and sexy--IF I haven't seen her like this everytime she appears EVERYWHERE.

Here she looks like a Hawaiian mermaid that somehow, magically was styed like a 40's pinup girl with perfect hair or weave; flawless make-up and glitteracious rhinestones and Swarovski here and there nevermind that it is actually WET in the ocean.

It is SO Beyonce.

What do you think Beyonce would wear at the Oscars? Correct! Beads, rhinestones, sequins and all the sparkle choke you and your first born child.

Beautiful but PREDICTABLE.

Britney Spears Is A Red Throw Pillow.

And who would have thought that Britney can so fashionably fit inside a red throw pillow case? Britney Spears single-handedly destroyed the Novelty Pillow Cottage Industry. Neat.

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Shakira

Yes, I didn't finish the Grammy's because staying infront of the boob tube for 4 straight hours is too much for me. But I heard, and read from the news that Shakira rocked the house with her sensual performance. And like ScarJo, I also like Shakira because she is extra ordinary in her field of expertise. Just like Paris, she is also extraordinary in the porn industry, and Nicole Richie, who also excels in numbing herself of hunger not to mention her head is also extraordinarily large for her body frame.

I lurve Shakira and much as I tried imitating her moves in the "Whenever' Wherever...whatever" video, i can't seem to emulate that fluid belly dance that she so sexily did back during her Laundry days. Yes, her album "Laundry Service". (I still can't understand why it was titled that way.)

But when I saw her hair in these photos, I was orally-fixated.

I muttered "Surely Shakira's hips don't lie, but her HAIR has no shame!"

I mean her hair is LARGE. Large and CHAOTIC.

Do small insects live there? Are there any species in that forest still unknown to human?

We will never know.

It will remain a complete mystery to human kind, but one thing is for sure though, It looked itchy from where I'm sitting. Shouldn't her song be " Hips don't LICE"?

Just a suggestion.

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson is beautiful. That is a fact. It's like saying Mariah Carey can sing or Madonna can really dance--or Paula Abdul is mentally stable.

No one can deny that she is a standout in today's young crop of talentless, spoiled and toothpick thin celebutards (think Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton). I liked ScarJo the first time I saw her that in fact, I even fell inlove (girl-crush) with her even with her mullet 'do. I started thinking lewd thoughts about her when I saw The Girl With The Pearl Earring. And I wanna marry her when I watched Lost In Translation.

Her body type does not conform to the skinny Hollywood genre. She has hips that don't lie, and my God, her breasts has a life of their own that they seem to say "Good Morning America" everytime I see it on the big screen. She is a real Hollywood gem, with her talent and fabulous good looks, I bet she'll become one of Hollywoods screen legends in no time.

But tell me, why oh why, did she look the way she looked last night at the Grammy's. I mean her dress is ok, not necessarily breath taking, and that figure, she still has the body that can make straight girls to Rosie O' Donnell. But from the neck up, I know that you would agree with me that there is something that's not right here. I mean, her hair for starters is too blonde. It's too Anna Nicole Smith (God Bless Her Soul), too Dolly Parton-ish.

Her look reminded me of a crossbreed between Zsa Zsa Gabor and Ivana Trump. Her make-up and hairstyle is too matronish for her. She looked like the medium version of that slutty mom in one of those American Pie movies. Yes, I don't recall her name but she's the hairstylist in Legally Blonde.

Better fire your stylist ScarJo, if you don't want Justin Timberlake to leave you sooner than you can toss your bright all American hair.

Learn from Cameron Diaz. That's why she went brunette.

Fergie Wants You To Shoot Her

Yeah right, shoot my here, right here, where I won't feel anything and just fall flat on the ground. I can't take it anymore, I can't take the pain and suffering that you people inflicted on me. WHY WHY!!! What did I do wrong to you? All I did was to make good music and wear ridiculous clothes and grind my hips like there's no tomorrow!

I admit! YES! I pee-ed on my pants! Happy now??!! I just thought I needed to give my all, my best for that performance because I so wanted to be the next Gwen Stefani!

But you people are so hating me I can't take it anymore! You called me zillions of ugly names I cant even recall what my real name is! You are just jealous because my sugar pie, honey cuddler Josh Duhamel is so inlove with me! But that too can't stop me from feeling this way so SHOOT ME! Right here! Right now! NOW! NOW!

2007 Grammy Special; Ciara And Nelly Furtado

It seems Ciara and Nelly Furtado went to the wrong venue. They were supposed to go to the FOUR CONTINENTS FIGURE SKATING COMPETITION but they miraculously arrived at the Grammy's. They have been practicing for months to perfect their jumps, spins, step sequences, and other elements in their programs but got the surprise of their lives when they ended up at the awards show. Of course they would be doing the death spiral sequence, and hopefully, they don't end up doing that literally, since there was no ICE to SKATE at the Grammy's and they might end up like bowling balls to strike a pile of Grammy awards. Ooh, that will hurt!

Apparently, they were supposed to arrive with Oksana Baiul, but the latter chose to stay home since she forgot to wear her skirt.

She looks like a deranged and drugged playboy bunny who forgot to wear her furry costume and ended up looking like a tranny prostitute who was chased by cops during her romp thus explaining the lack of decent clothes.

Ewww.

Separated At Birth

Jessica Simpson is seen here with her older sister Paula Abdul.

I knew it! They both have the same sense of fashion. I believe it wasn't Courtney Love who's touted to replace Paula Abdul. It's Jessica Simpson no less! She's perfect for the job since her own single, the runaway hit "Public Affair' is an American Idol masterpiece.
Can't wait to see these American Idol hopefuls belting their hearts out with this heart wrenching, soulful ballad that is sure to inspire kids to have a "public affair".

Goodluck people!

Ewww Hairstyle of The Week

Eva Longoria is sporting a new and revolutionary hairstyle these days. It's called the KOMODO DRAGON hairstyle.

To achieve the look, one must go through 12 cans of hairspray, 1 handful of moulding clay and 13 hours of blowdrying.


Just a word of caution, you can't wear this style unless you are a celebrity, this supposedly is one way of avoiding the paparazzi from taking photos of stars at their most unexpected moments, say like, Nicky Hilton picking her nose or Britney Spears eating like a wild boar.


One thing, you can't wear this style during concerts, in the movies or in a basketball game. Unless you want rotten tomatoes thrown at you, it's best to avoid this particular style as this will TOTALLY BLOCK other people's view. They don't want to see the spaces between each of your hairstrand, or how many mili-seconds it takes before your dandruff flake hits your shoulders.


Bottomline, this hairstyle is just for celebrities. You are not Eva Longoria. You are not a komodo dragon. Ewww.