Monday, December 18, 2006

Ewww-Worthy Celebrity Of The Week

Lately I have been featuring more Hollywood Celebrities and that got me thinking how I have unfortunately (fortunately for local celebs) ignored the fashion fiascos of the local, native type.

So for my fans who live outside the Philippines, let me introduce you to the wonderfully ewww-y fashion sensibilities (if there is any) of the brown, fudgy type that is Filipino Celebrities. I don't have the latest idea who are the newest fashion dumb ass in the local scene because I haven't been checking out the boob tube for like ages now. I've been too drowned up with work and my social life that I dont even have the time to waste time (oxymoron i know) to plomp my curvy ass infront of the television.

So what I did was to rely on the CLASSICS.

The original fashion offenders of the Philippine Cinema. The cocroaches (did I spell it right? Whatever, cocroaches are beyond eww that their not even worth correctly spelling-ed for bah!) of Philippine entertainment industry, the brown Cher. (in passing, I remember I read once in an article that if the world's about to end, there are two creatures who will remain living on Earth, its cocroaches and of course, Cher.) Well can I nominate Tita Pilita Coralles in the prestigious roster? The so-called Asia's Queen of Songs and also the Official hip-bender of Asia.

Thanks to her inch-thick body shaper she can still can afford to twitch in an uncomfortable fashion to think she's that old. I mean, I know one day will come when her back will just spontaneously snap from all that back bending nuance that she does. But I love her, and given that she's like 100 years old and still look regal and lithe.

Going back, I wanna feature for the first article on the Ewww-Worthy Celebrity Of The Week, someone who is not that old, but someone who should have learned a lot of fashion know how because she has been in the entertainment biz for like 2 decades now. And if she hasn't even learned a single bit in that span of time, then she is more than worthy to be strapped onto a cactus plant and whipped with a powdered glass-sprinkled at the tip lash.

Enough of the verbal diarrhea. Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you.

Vina Morales!

I mean I'm sorry but I hate this girl so much. She has this air of hypocritical stench that I just couldn't stand. She climbs the social ladder so hard she's putting Jack (of the Beanstalk fame dumb) out of job! She tries, very hard to socialize, to be accepted, but sadly, you don't get accepted in simply because you just don't have it. The x-factor. The oomph. I can just imagine what Manila society saiys whenever she pops up (uninvited i assume) to parties and social functions. Remember how Borgy Manotoc sheepishly told DJ Mo about his tryst with Vina. As if he admitted to the whole world he had STD.

Anyhoo, here is Vina Morales. Yes you can shred her to bits. Like that icky top she's wearing below.

Here's what she wants you to read:

VINA MORALES: "Hey look at me, I was mugged on my way to the studio, they thought I was this arrogant new guy walking proudly on the street, they were 5 in all, I was a bit dishelved but thanks to this iron body of mine I knocked them all down, I came here unscathed, but my top wasn't as here I am. Shoot."

I recently visited her website and found this little "Vina Revealed" section where she gets to "spontaneously" answer some of life's most important questions. Here's the text and my commnets in red hehehe. Of course I won't let this exciting opportunity to pass noh!

A - Greatest ACHIEVEMENT in life
.Being loved by my family and friends.
(Hey girl, just in case you wanna know, 80 million filipinos are also being loved by their friends and family, but it's not their greatest achievement. A lot of them are hungry, jobless and poor, so stop the freaking hypocrisy and answer the questions like it's supposed to be!)
B- Favorite BOOK and why?
Bible, it gives me peace of mind and keeps megrounded in life.
( Yeah right and the Pope shits in the woods! I just find it hypocrytical that she even used the bible to project a religious and holier-than-thou image. And btw, did something extraordinary happened in you life to make you un-grounded in life? She could have said she reads Hemingway or Sheldon, which is atleast closely realistic, although I dont think this bitch even know who these authors are.)
C - What do I COLLECT?
(Yeah to keep track of how old you're getting and still pathetically single and to remind you that you don't have to dress like you're in your puberty ok?)
D - My DEPRESSIONbusters.
Music, praying and being with my nephews andniece - my angels.
( Since this comment involed kids, I'd rather not comment. I've a heart too you know!)
"Whoopsie daisies!" Yeah I know it's an old expression but it just slips out.
( Yeah right, it just slips out as fast you "slip" a painful tube of feces when you have constipation! I mean that's crazy! You don't accidentally slip on a banana peel and say whoopsie daisies right? I mean come on! You are a filipina and I bet the first thing that comes out of your filthy mouth is "P*&%ng ina"! Again stop the hypocrisy!
F - Do I visit the website created by my FANS?
But of course, I find it flattering and sweet.
(and wished them dead after for posting your pre-HUNKS pictures.!)
G - My GUILTY pleasure
Ice cream and chocolates... yummy!
(Lay off with the "yummy" comment. Everbody knows Ice cream and Chocolates are yummy duh. And we can't imagine you eating ice cream and saying yummy. It freaks me out just thinking about it.)
H - Recent HORRIBLE experience
When I missed my flight in Japan to L.A.
(they want you more in Japan you see.)
I - ITEM I can't live without
(For the first time, I TOTALLY agree with you.)
J - JEANS or slacks?
(Ok ok we heard you, you dont have to shout.)
K - Do I believe in KARMA?
Very much.
(Remember the Borgy comment thing? That's karma for sure.)
L - One thing LACKING in my life
A soulmate.
(If you have a soul to begin with. I mean read my lips "s-o-u-l-m-a-t-e".
M - MONEY or honey?Mmm... honey!
(Give her jugs of honey and please throw in the angry honeybees for good measure please!)
N - What makes me NERVOUS?
Big crowds at my concerts.
(How can there be big crowds when there are no concerts to begin with? Surely you've been at peace for a long time now.)
O - OUTLOOK in life
Being optimistic.
(Hahahaha. Well-thought answer.)
Cockroaches... yikes!
(Again lay off the yikes comment! You are not a hapless 13 year-old. You are an old woman with the body put Batista a run for his money.And I know you can squash them effortlessly, what with your Herculean arms?)
Q - My QUIRKIEST trait
I can sleep all day, all night.
(when was the last time you heard sleeping quirky?)
R - REASON to smile
I'm alive.
(And that is our reason to frown fyi.)
S - Do I write my own SONGS?
I do sometimes.
(We know it''l go straight to Fitness First's Body Jam Session.)
T - TYPICAL day for me
Fixing my place and doin' my errands.
(Very informative. I wonder how she comes up with these very informative answers?)
U - UNKNOWN fact about me
I chat in the net a lot.
(So do we.)
V - Describe my ideal VACATION
Spending a safari adventure in Africa with somebody I love.
(Tarzan maybe? Or honking that baboon somewhere. Whatever.)
W - Type of WORKOUT that keeps me in shape
Yoga, and I go to the gym for cardio exercise. I also play a lot of sports, and badminton is my favorite as of the moment.
X - X'CELLENT advice "Live a life of prayer, and get strength from the greatest Teacher."
(Ewww!!! Channeling Mother Theresa does not become you FYI. )
Y - How's my business - YSTILO Salon?
Doin' very well (as of October, 2004), we have about 28 outlets and still expanding.
Z - Are you true to your ZODIAC sign?
Is it true to me?
(Dumb answer! I give up!)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i hate vina morales too...
nice blog.