Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Ewww Trinity

They literally lived in the pages of sleaziest tabloids that was published this year.
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado
I give to you, the trinity of skank, the queens of dish... Paris, Lindsay and Britney!

Paris Hilton!

This frock is like TOTALLY fabulous. I mean who else can pull together a hot air balloon fabric/cocktail dress but good ol' me! I mean I made sure everybody saw how tan-nized my bellybutton was!

What was that? Of course I'm not wearing undies dumb! That'll totally destroy the entire outfit! I didn't get the skanky award for nothing duh! how else will people know I am coming if they cant smell me even before I arrive??!!

I made sure to tie my hair in a neat chignon just to be sure Shanna Moakler (weird name ewww...) wont screw my extensions this time! It TOTALLY hurts you know! Anyways, I'll be going, I hear Justin Timberlake is single again know...I just hope Cameron Diaz is not into that Karate thingy or something...

Seriously, I wish this talented, seemingly good-natured child can pull through all the mixed up troubles she's facing. I mean, I totally like her, way back during her "parent trap" days, her Mean Girls phase, where she kept her hair, naturally redhead, her breasts perky and attractive, and of course her muscles which seems to degenerate faster than the icebergs in North Pole.

What with her dysfunctional family, her very public break-ups, her being reprimanded publicly by her movie outfit and of course who would forget the drug and suicide inclination of this natural firecrotch oops I mean red head.

But I'm sorry I couldn't forgive the way she looked in this photo. She looked like a formalinized, pale version of Terry Hatcher, don't you think? And my oh my, she is so skinny that you'd mistaken her for a filleted salmon wrapped in black garbage bag.

Pull yourself through firecrotch I mean Lindsay. There is still something in you that I like--honestly. I know you are better than and a lot more talented than Paris and Brit Brit.

Show them what you got.

Ok Britney, you don't actually have to illlustrate with your mouth how big your vagina is.

I mean, the whole wide world, actually saw where Sean Preston came from; and sadly, anyone who has access to the internet saw your tutti frutti and unwillingly scarred them for life. Even alien abductors saw what Justin and Kevin had fun with long before the famous coochie flashing.

I never liked Britney anyways, I always thought she was an overrated performer, yeah she can dance but who can't these days anyway? Even Shrek can dance right? As a singer, I always thought she sounded like a deranged cat in search of some feline sexmate, especially when she does that "Oh Baby Baby....AWWW".


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