People Magazine's Top 5 What Were They Thinking Outfits of 2006

People Magazine has just recently posted their list of 5 of the most mind-boggling, what-were-they-thinking-outfits by Hollywood A-listers. I find it kinda amusing how these Hollywood biggies dress up this way considering they have buckets full of moolahs to stash at their whim. They could have hired the best stylist in town and garb themselves in the best designer wear of the season. But sad to say, a lot if these celebrities fantasized that just because they are famous; they can get away wearing weird clothes and think people would accept it just because they are seen on tv or on the big screen. I mean hello! Like what my grandmother always say "style is from within, either you have it or you don't."

These folks surely don't.

Rip 'em all you want, after all its almost 2007.

Beyonce Knowles

It looks like Tina Knowles (Beyonce's mum) stole one of her husbands old pinstripe suit and slashed it till she can't get enough of it and wrapped it around Beyonce's Bootylicious body in this Barbarella/Dominatrix-inspired monstrosity. And do I see a reincarnation of Joan Collins meets Linda Evans in that Dynasty inspired hairstyle? I mean having fake hair is bad enough, but having hair that resembles tsunami at it's fiercest is worst! I mean sands and uprooted coconuts must still be floating in there somwhere! Beyonce please, you know it's not wrong to say no to your Mom from time to time, especially if it makes you look like some old, 1980's cafeteria waitress balancing that something, whatever it is on your head (but I'm sure it's heavy).

Eva Longoria

I don't even know where to begin with this, in fact I think I dont EVEN wanna begin commenting on this. I mean what was she thinking?! this outfit is a crossbreed of Peter Pan meets Edwardian gentleman meets SMILING Victoria "Posh" Beckham gone all giddy. (Btw, Have you seen a photo of Victoria Beckham smiling as in, ever? Send me an email and I swear I'm gonna keep it in mint condition just in case I could auction it at Christie's under rare finds items.)

Anyhoo, this outfit certainly is "Desperate" in every sense of the word. If you are going for the androgynous chic with the scary nurse-appropriate stockings and men's shoes which I guessed you borrowed from your younger brother which is yucky btw, then you failed miserably. Although giving Mr. Blackwell a heart attack does sound good thanks to that layered horreur you are wearing. Throw in that scary 101 Dalmatian shoulder bag for good measure and you have the ultimate FASHION buffet style. Thank you, I'll pass.

Keira Knightley

Problem:

No sign of mammaries whatsoever.

No fresh top or blouse to wear within sight.

Only a flimsy skirt and Tight unforgiving belt available to wear.

Solution:

Step by step Procedure as painfully exhibited by Keira Knightley:

1. Pull your skirt over your bosom.

2.If you are one of those "under-endowed" with mammaries then get a tight belt, a very thight, wide belt.
3. Strap it mercilessly around your chest to hold the skirt from falling.

4. Bring along a lame boyfriend to finish the outfit.

5.Torture well served.

Mischa Barton

The fastest way to look like trash. Get your boyfriends stinking white under shirt, rip it at the seams for maximum impact, wear it without a bra, don't forget, that is a MUST. Bras or anything that resembles anything like it is a big NO NO. Shriveled nipples that looked like its about to fall anytime soon from frostbite is definitely a must.

Then cut your grandmother's bedsheet into longs strips and wrap and tie it around your LARGE, jutting hips with WILD abandon finishing it up into a large bow on your left hips.

Lastly, walk as if you're urinary bladder is about to explode anytime soon.

Wala! You got DIAPER FASHION.

Eva Mendes

Eva, Eva...Why art thou in such hideous frock? I personally liked Eva even way before because she's the anti-thesis of the blonde, dumb Hollywood starlet. Strong Latina features, curves and bumps here and there and a personality that spells SEXY.

Honestly, I kinda like Eva's dress here. I mean soft and flowing, and kinda exude an old, vintage-y feel to it. Although I kinda wonder how come her breast perked up the way it perked up in this photo.

I mean the dress is surely chiffon, not unless it has some sort of engineering wonders going inside, or she's working an industrial grade brassieres that made her boobs look like pomelo halves, but over all, it's a nice dress. I'm just not too sure about the collar. It looked like some girl threw a soiled panty in wild abandon and somehow, disturbingly, it landed on Eva's nape on the way to the awards show.

What I don't like is again, that over-the-top chignon with curls going haywire. I mean her hairdo is even bigger than her face right? Is she sharing the same hairstylist as Beyonce (look up)?

Even more puzzling is the way she posed for the paparazzis . I mean, it certainly looked like some slimy, putrid creature was making its way up her crotch. She's not sure whether to stand still or wriggle in disgust with what that supposed creature's doing in-between her legs which explains the catatonic/orgasmic expression.

Hairstyle: $200

Dress: $8,000 (I assume)

The expression on her face: PRICELESS.