The Ewww Factor: The Brazilian, Ipanema and Rio de Janeiro

I recently had the time to go surfing the net, in search for an amusing topic that would interest you, yes YOU, my dear readers if there is one who really wastes her time reading my non-sense verbal whatever. and then I came along a very sensitive topic that I'm sure would totally titilate your playful imagination.

Are you ready?

Which do you prefer? Hairy or smooth pube area?? (hahahaha! I too cringe I think of how cheesy this topic is). Should they shave everything off down under or let it grow haywire? Girls like us getting a wax every now and then isn't new. In fact if you are able to watch those old porn film starring the ultimate sex matron of all time! errr, I cant remember her name, but she's that biatch who had sex with almost anything that moved. That lady KAYE PARKER with boobs the size of Canada who made incest a fashionable thing in the early '80's. Oh well, the movie is Taboo, my favorite porn of all time and I secretly watched all it's succeeding bastardized version, from Taboo 1 to Taboo 456! From having sex with her son, her daughter, her grandmother, to Santa Claus, to the reindeers, bamboo shoots and everything else that quivers.

Going back, I know you girls have heard of the Brazilian. Duh, YOU don't know what a BRAZILIAN is??!!! Im totally duped! That is like beyond ignorance! Brazilian, for your info, is a term used by waxist (if there is such a term) when you totally, and I mean TOTALLY remove every trace of outgrowths in your pubic area. Yeah, the first time I had one, I felt like I was a 2-year old girl all over again! Yeah, that is a THE Brazilian.

(They literally took the term Brazilian to the highest level)

Ok ok I admit, my pube area was once an Amazon Jungle, but ever since I had that wonderful invention called the Brazilian, my bf can't help travelling down south to Rio, (I'm channelling Plum Syke's Bergdorf Blondes here), *winks* if you know what I mean. hehehehe.

Which leads me back to the original topic. If you are to compare the porn movies from the Sexual Revolution days (flower power anyone??) that is from the late 70's to the early 80's, you would notice, (if you were as enchanted as I am with porn *teheehee*) that in those good ol' days, they let the pubes grow like there's no tomorrow. I mean waxing is like totally unheard of in those days as compared to the flesh flicks of today, even guys shave their pubies to visually elongate their puny little pecks.

For girls, its a complete turn-off if she hasn't stripped all her hair off down under. (ok ok a slight sighting of hair is acceptable, as long as its' not in any way shaped like the Union Jack or Island of Indonesia ok??!!)

In my opinion, I think I like it better if girls totally get rid the irritating mass of keratin off down south. I mean I know God didn't put it down there for no reason, I know there's a purpose for that, protection maybe? Ventilation? Irrigation? Mastur...err never mind.

But you know, human, specifically girls, have this unacanny ability to defy what nature has intended things to be. For example, we all know that eyebrows were created to protect our eyes from sweat especially when we do extreme physical exertion (e.g. sex, coitus, intercourse). Eyebrows act as shield against the flow of that damn sweat that actually hurt like hell! But stubborn are the girls that they pluck (ok tweeze, I'm sorry Myrza Sison said plucking is for chickens.) their eyebrows so obsessively trying to get the Twiggy or Kate Moss look during her waif heroin chic days but ending up looking like Caridad Sanchez. You started tweezing with a Frida Kahlo-ish eyebrow, after a few months you only have a badly-drawn, fake eyebrows that starts disapperaing the moment you sweat glands activate.

Same goes with our obsession with nails! I mean I'm totally freaked out with the way these sculptors posing as manicurists literally slow-kill our nails! I mean what's with obsession with the nail file, the pusher etc. I mean you are actually sending your nails to nail emergency with the way this peeps do your manicure.

Here's the skinny, do you know that a manicurist gets imprisoned if you "murder' a clients nail in other countries. notice the shape of the nails of Hollywood celebrities, if you'd look closely, the way their nails were done followed the natural shape and contuor of their toe nails. Her are examples.

kate hudson's toes

kirstie alley's toe

Only in the Philippines will you see toenails resembling that of a fighting cock! I mean why shape the toe nail like that of the fingernails? I mean its TOTALLY disgusting!

READ MY LIPS : Toe nails and finger nails grow on different appendages, so they shouldn't look the same! not at all! It's a mortal sin! (I'm too obsessed on this that I should have posted an separate topic concerning nails)

Going back to hairs hehehe, I truly believe that men, should also learn the art of trimming, but I am totally opposed to them having it all stripped off! I mean, don't you find it scary seeing this hunky guy you're so into, then finding out that he's also getting a Brazilian! Ewww! Wouldn't it be nice ripping off a cute guy's shirt and caressing his body with teeny weeny bits of cute fluffy hair?