The Ewww Factor

I'm Sorry

2007-03-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, I haven't been able to blog for sometime because of work. I was transferred to another site and therefore, I'm kind of adjusting to the new location. Plus the work is doubly hard so I might not be able to blog for a few days more...Add to that, my laptop just broke. So I'll talk to you soon...btw enjoy the archives for the meantime okay? I love you all!

The Case Of The Legless Lady

2007-03-10T06:46:00.000+08:00

Legend has it that once there was a country singer named Natalie Maines, who was at one time, hated by the patriotic nation of the United States for ridiculing the President with his war campaign against Iraq. Apparently, this lady was punished for the supposed crime against the American Nation.

Last Oscars , at the Vanity Fair's Post Oscar Party, the GHOST OF THE LEGLESS LADY allegedly appeared scaring the guests out of their wits. She appeared in a red gown with only one leg driving all the guests to run away in fear.

Apparently, she is back to avenge the untimely demise of her right leg and make the people responsible for her lost leg, pay for the crime done unto her.

God Bless her soul...I mean her leg...

Jenna Elfman And Her Baby-Eating Husband

2007-03-10T02:52:00.000+08:00

Jenna: Ok hunney, that's enough. I mean STOP IT, it's not funny anymore. You told me you'll just have a small sip of the womb juice but now you're eating our baby's umbilical cord! No no no! You don't have to do everything that Scientology tells you! I dont give a f*$%^ng care if Tom Cruise gets mad at you and ask aliens abduct your mother! Just lay off my stomach! This is our child! Stop eating him!!!! Stop sucking his blood! NOW!

I'm Back From Boracay!

2007-03-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

I'm back guys! I'm sorry I wasn't able to say a proper goodbye last time because there wasn't an interent connection to where I went to. I went on a 5-day vacation to the Tropical Paradise of Boracay! FYI Boracay was voted as one of the best beaches in the whole world. It has the whitest, finest sands and the clearest blue water! I missed all of you! Can't wait to blog again! Mwah!

He, I Mean She, No He--She! Whatever!

2007-03-03T08:07:00.000+08:00

Let's put together the:

Face of 50-CENT

Body of Usher

Beyonce's Weave

Lil' Kim's Eyebrows

And what do you get?

1...

2...

3...

SERENA WILLIAMS!!!!

The Queen Of Snout

2007-03-03T07:48:00.000+08:00

The Queen Of Pout Became The Queen Of Snout. According to the National Enquirer, the would be fashion guru for the anorexic population was allegedly chased by pigs.

Not by obese, anti-anorexia groups but by real, live HOGS.

"A source told the National Enquirer, 'Victoria was being shown around the
science lab when two pet pot-bellied pigs, who are allowed to roam free,
snuffled up to her.'
Instead of warming to the pigs and petting them, Posh
fled the scene with the source adding, 'She screamed, 'Get it away!', and tried
to run away in her high heels. It was hysterical, everyone was trying so hard
not to laugh.'
Don't try teaching pigs to pout Posh… "
Victoria Beckham's US visit didn't go as well as she'd have us all believe, after it was revealed she was the victim of a pig attack.
The incident happened when the Queen of Pout was viewing schools in LA for her three sons.
As she visited a science block in one school, a pack of pot belly pigs made a b-line for the would-be fashion guru. "

How ironic, when I always thought that she looked like an emaciated pig herself. It's the NOSE Posh. Do something about that. We can see your actual BRAIN with those snouts. Not that there are a lot to begin with.

Ewww.

The Many Fruits In Jennifer Hudson's Life

2007-03-03T05:36:00.000+08:00

I didn't know you could bring in coconuts to the Oscar's? Hmmm Jennifer Hudson must indeed

be a crowd favorite for allowing her this privilege...

I can't help but to visualize that it's a banana that Jennifer Hudson was holding...and she is a

big brown--err--never mind... Congrats Jhud!

Jessica As Red Riding Hood

2007-03-02T06:38:00.000+08:00

Here are some fabulous comments about Jessica Simpson's upcoming movie BLONDE AMBITION:

"This “movie” will be the final nail in this trash’s coffin/career. Can’t wait for this to come out so we can all move on and never have to see this bimbo again! Still can’t believe John Mayer is dating her. I just deleted all of his songs from my itunes library."

"First thing I thought when I saw those pics: Shirley Temple: The Whore Years."

"Hey, I just saw Jessica shooting that movie on 19th and 5th.I have a few pix, but don’t know how to post them…my thought about the movie idea - is it really called acting when a dumb blond plays a dumb blond? lol"

'"She is gorgeous. I’m sure this will get her an Academy Award."

"So banging Nick Lachey made her famous?"

"Man, who knew she had such squatty troll legs? She is pretty good at hiding them. "

"After updates on nicole richie and the bigot heiress who gets away with everything, i have to give jessie her props. at least she IS working, and isn’t famous just for being famous. I hope Ms. Simpson does well."

Attack Of The Killer Nails

2007-03-02T04:48:00.000+08:00

Foxy Brown recently escaped jail time when she pleaded guilty of mauling nail technicians in a Florida salon. Well I guess she promised the judge a year service of manicure in exchange to rotting in jail.

Foxy: "See I told you? My ass wont be serving jail anytime coz of THESE! My nails! I can scratch you with these! Kill you with these! Even rip your neck with these! Hehe! I am Foxy The Nail Clipper!"

Girl beside FOXY thought : Oh WTF! How come she got away with that? That dumb ass judge! I'd be serving her claws again! I don't want her doing THAT to me...it hurts, it wounds...it's invasive! I think I'd kill myself later..."

Almost There Tara, Almost There

2007-03-02T02:41:00.000+08:00

At a recent outing, Tara Reid was again, thank goodness, photographed looking like this. I think Tara is really trying hard to regain her lost career ( was there any in the first place?). She's looking mighty fine in her simple dress, complemented by a make up that enhances her best asset--her BOTCHED STOMACH AND GARGANTUAN BOOBS-- joke! I mean, her light blue sparkling eyes. Her skin was also fabulous and dewy, and unbelievably devoid of any age lines.

She was also photographed in a bikini and again for the first time, sometime last week--she didn't traumatize kids with her frankenstein stomach this time. Whoever's the doctor/miracle worker/messiah responsible for this miracle is beyond me, but he/she sure did a good job landscaping the un-landscapable. I have a feeling it was Madame Tussaud who did the job. It was a wax figure right?

Going back to the recent Tara Reid photo in a green dress, it was pretty alright, it fitted her perfectly, without squeezing her wax boobs to frankensteinish proportions--until you scroll down...

Does the lack of movie projects caused Tara to be so peniless that she had to recycle an old gown into a cocktail dress? And if she did why be so hasty not to even sew it properly? I mean look at the hemline of that dress. She just single-handedly destroyed the beauty of a gown and a cocktail dress simultaneously. It would have been great to see that dress full-length or just a little above her knees. It looked like the heavy curtain that opens whenever a play is about to start in a theater. I bet that play sucks.

But you're almost there Tara. Almost there.

It Goes Best With A Starbucks

2007-03-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

What goes best with a hot Venti Size STARBUCKS COFFEE? Scroll Down.

A thick Ham Sandwich of course! Courtesy of Sophie Monk.

Beyonce Is Finally Kinky

2007-03-01T07:30:00.000+08:00

Beyonce has finally went back to her kinky roots. LITERALLY.

I believe that the hair she was wearing when she visited TRL was her real hair. What do you think? I think it's a refreshing departure from the same old tired weave that she was so used to sport, and this curly locks that she's sporting right now finally gave her that refreshing, exuberant air of youth. She looked like a young Diana Ross sans the freaky mousy eyes. I lurve it! I just LURVE it!

I'm not so sure about the outfit though.

Is it a jacket? I don't think so. Is it a dress? I'm not sure. Dis something wrong happened to the real dress that she was supposed to wear that she had to grab one of Jay-Z's army inspired hip-hop jacket and tried making us believe it was actually hers?

This military/sex worker inspired dress is appropriate if you are a hooker sent by the U.S. governement to give pleasure to the war-weary soldiers in the Middle East. But it's not for Beyonce. It's for Rihanna! Hahahaha! Joking!

Our Harry Potter Bares His Behind!

2007-03-01T01:30:00.000+08:00

From: The Daily Mail

It won't be for reasons of modesty - Radcliffe, 17, has shown himself to be remarkably relaxed about exposing his naked body to the world - but there are those who wonder whether this full-on display, in the West End revival of Peter Schaffer's play Equus, could prove ultimately damaging to the teenage star's career.

Rear view: Daniel Radcliffe spends a full 10 minutes on stage naked in Equus
Already extremely famous for doing one thing - playing a boy wizard - there is a danger, they argue, that he could end up being known for doing one other thing - getting his kit off.

More clothes: Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter
In the play, enjoying its first major revival since it was first staged more than 30 years ago, Radcliffe plays stablehand Alan Strang, who blinds six horses with a metal spike after a disturbing sexual experience.
Executives at Warner Bros, the studio behind the film versions of J K Rowling's books, are said to have been "utterly dismayed" by publicity shots of Radcliffe naked, as well as the fact that he spends a full 10 minutes on stage without his clothes.
He will not be the only performer in the nude: there is also Joanna Christie, 24, who plays the stablegirl with whom he has a relationship.
Studio chiefs are said to fear the scenes could damage their multi-million-dollar film franchise and could even lead to Radcliffe being replaced as the young wizard.
One was quoted as saying: "Warner Bros have been building up their publicity machine for Harry's first - chaste - screen kiss when the next Potter film (Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix) comes out in the summer.
"Now our star is out there doing full-frontal sex. We've been blown completely out of the water by this."
Equus has its preview tonight at the Gielgud Theatre. The play opens on 27 February.

I Need Your Help!!!

2007-02-28T09:51:00.000+08:00

Ei guys, can I ask a giant favor from you? I mean I've just started this blog like mid-November and I've been getting a lot of good and bad feedbacks. Well I'm still happy coz good or bad feedback is still a feedback. Atleast you find something here that you either rave or rant about.

And for you guys who always keep on coming back for my unprofessional and very very bad writing, I thank you, steelerblogger from Colorado, you my dear reader from Benguet, Addition Hills, The one from China, the guy from Procter and Gamble from AOL...even the guy from the Presidential Office...those people that I so often see coming back to be traumatized by my bad writing. THANK YOU.

Now one favor from you guys.

Can you help me spread the word about my little blog? I mean it would be so much fun and inspiring to write fun stuff if there are a lot of crazy people reading it. You could tell them about my blog thru email, thru your own blog and maybe we could link each others blog so we can help one another and be one big happy blogging family!

You could also email me personally at nogcat@yahoo.com and give me suggestions and stuff that you would want me to write about or ANY negative comment so I could improve on my bad writing and humour that i know SUCKS big time! I promise I'll write back! I swear I'm willing to trade my first born child! Joke!

Thank you so much! Hope to hear from you soon okay? I'm begging you... hahahaha!

Much love,
Gurl next Door

Ewww Fashion: Dior Ready To Wear/Pret-A-PorterFall/Winter 200-2008

2007-02-28T08:54:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna say I'm an expert in fashion, nor in creativity in general. But what I do know is that is that I can actually determine what is pleasing to the eye and what is not. What is beautiful and practical and what is just plain absurd and ugly.

Here is the Ready To Wear Collection of Dior by John Galliano.

Keep in mind that it is READY TO WEAR. Uhm one question, ready to wear where? To Battle Star Galactica? To the Martian Jungle if there is any, or go trodding the hills--which are alive with the sound of music. Tiptoe ala prima ballerina in the Chinese rice terraces perhaps? Let me count the ways:

Clothes that Galiano designed that will surely send the PETA people to insanity. Fur, pelt and exotic skin galore! I'm pretty sure the PETA people are cutting themselves by now one painful part at a time.

Now, the clothes that are just plain ugly and absurd.

This is Dior's take on a Parisian mademoiselle that somehow magically becomes an Asian rice peddler/prostitute that again, magically was able to afford a crocodile and fur galore ensemble. Nevermind that she's wearing sky high platforms on a muddy Asian street.

A dress that your 5 year old kid can make out of folding papers. Origami anyone? NOT water resistant btw.

Fugly shoes. Look at the heels, please look at the heels! I don't know but it looks like a vibrator made from exotic skin! That would hurt!

But of course there are dresses that are actually WEARABLE and might even look good on humans.

Hugh Hefner Will Marry Holly!

2007-02-28T06:32:00.000+08:00

Let's all celebrate and give thanks coz Hugh Hefner is finally marrying Holly (whoever she is). Marrying the playboy tycoon is every proud parents dream come true for their doting little girls. Aside of course from the hefty amount of money she will be getting, let's not forget the never-ending sexual marathon Mr. Hefner can provide (cough cough). Who could resist marrying a guy who is just barely in his early 100's, with a skin of a chewed, tastless gum and a fashion sense of an octogenarian sailor on crystal meth. I would be wearing my best corset get up that will squeeze my boobs to unbelievable proportions, just like Holly if I was offered marriage by this HOT bachelor.

Holly: Hey Maria! Send in the wheelchair here you bitch, I'm already beside the pool! Did you put him to sleep?! Good! Now help me push push PUSH!!!

2007 Academy Awards Special: Jessica Biel

2007-02-28T03:32:00.000+08:00

"Hey guys...look at me, just look at me. Am I fabulous or what? Yeah this is the body that sent Cameron Diaz' insanity to snap. I mean I did try so hard to downplay my bootylicious body with this hot pink excuse for a dress and a little help from my dad's good ol' belt.

Am I THE HOTNESS or what...You know, sometimes I try not to look in the mirror that much coz I can't help thanking God for making me soo exotically beautiful despite having the largest mouth in the biz.

Okay to further stress my point, I will compare my boobs with that fat obese woman in white. Ugh! Don't she have any fashion sense at all? I mean she's all fat and gooey and she's wearing a white ruched frock for crying out loud!? Don't she totally look like a detergent bubble? That's what you get for eating too much Cheetos every night. Ewww.

Okay, so here it is, now THERE! Can you see the difference between MY boobs and her tubs of lard? See! *wiggle wiggle* Oh look Mama! No hands! It's still WAY up there!"

MyGod I'm So PERFECT!

2007 Academy Awards Special: Eddie Murphy

2007-02-28T01:43:00.000+08:00

Guys, Eddie Murphy has just brought in her REAL wife and the mother of his kids, an intergalactic ice skater diva from Mars. Actually she is a cyborg, which is actually part human part microchip which explains the stumped, catatonic smile and the emotionless stare that seems to say " My home is so far far away, up there where no earthling has ever gone.One day, I shall return..."

Too bad she is being held captive by a Hollywood actor with bad skin tone and yucky tuxedo. He seems to say " Look at my bride, isn't she pretty? She's not SCARY right?! And look, she's like 3 years pregnant but no bump whatsoever...cool huh?! I'm the man! I'm the MAN!!!"

Yeah right.

2007 Academy Awards Special: Jennifer Lopez and Skeletor

2007-02-27T08:24:00.000+08:00

Oh look, archaelogist has just unearthed a priceless Egyptian Artifact. The wedding picture if Queen Cleopatra and her Mummified Pharaoh Husband.

2007 Academy Awards Special: Jennifer Hudson

2007-02-27T07:16:00.000+08:00

I love Jennifer Hudson's story. She is the ultimate poster girl of the underdogs, the overlooked and the avengers. I mean, she is an American Idol reject, she is not actually sexy in the Hollywood way, and surely, she can sing but there are other singer out there that can actually give her a run for her money or growl and grunt better than her " I'm No Leaving Without You" song she sang on Dreamgirls.
But who would have thought that this "nobody" would sweep all acting tropies from almost all major acting award-giving body, land herself a cover from VOGUE and snatch an Oscar for her first ever movie role. That is AWESOME.
But that, doesn't give her the slightest right, to STEAL my little brother's silver cowboy jacket costume. I mean he was supposed to wear it on his 6th birthday as a Lone Ranger and Silver crossbreed rolled into one little tyke. Imagine the horror when I saw it on Hudson wearing it to the Oscars. Golly wow, how did that lil' thing fit on her?
Give that jacket to my lil' brother Jennifer! For one, STEALING is not a good thing. TWO, making little kids lose their appetite and cry the whole week is unforgivable. So give us that jacket back. It doesn't fit you and it looks horrible on your dress. You looked like a Black Grecian Goddess crossbred with Cowgirl's Got The Blues sort of girl. GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!

Jenna Jameson Is That You?

2007-02-27T06:53:00.000+08:00

I know she is a superstar. And ANYONE, who can make himself/herself a superstar, in whatever form or reason gains my respect. Jenna Jameson, made a name for herself as a pornographic artist. And even though she became popular by exposing every inch of skin, every strand of hair and every hole in her body, she made a career out of it, didn't step on anyone in the process and became an expert in what she does and most importantly, earned BIG bucks in the process. Now that is something.
But what I don't understand is that, why oh why do you have to uglify yourself in the process. I mean, look at Jenna Jameson, if you don't know her at all, would you think she is the Greatest Pornstar that ever lived by looking at this photo? The fake tan, the weave, the boobs and the lips that seem to be permanently puckered up. Is it a vain symbolic attempt to tell everyone that her vagina is still intact and plump after all those years of use and abuse? Since well, the vag is the "2nd lips" right? Oh well, maybe it is just my crazy idea, but look at her, I mean LOOK AT HER. She's all dried up and pruned, she actually looked King Tuts mummified remain in a yellow dress. Oh well, maybe, you cant have it all.
Boinking HOT STUDS every waking, working day isn't so bad though. I'm actually thinking of big career change. Hahahaha! Joke.

2007 Academy Awards Special:Cameron Diaz

2007-02-27T06:30:00.000+08:00

The Queen Of Napkins strikes again! Cameron Diaz, who is obviously still not over with her break up with Justin Timberlake and as a symbolic response to the pain she's is still obviously suffering, Cammy chose to wear yet, another version of the ever-reliable paper towel, but now of the table napkin version. If you could remember, only a few weeks ago, she wore the same disturbingly-themed bathroom tissue fiasco, that apparently made Valentino, the designer, a whopping 80 thousand dollars richer for that drugstore staple of a dress. Talk about business!

Her dress which was ill fitting btw, and looked like it was about to be stalked by a troop of hot iron any moment now, obviously didn't have the time to straighten out the dress, making it look like a slightly-used table napkin. Good thing the Oscars didn't have dinner during the show, Cameron, out of sheer desperation might actual try and offer herself to be the portable, walking napkin for everyone. All she has to do is just lay in her knees and let that flapping table napkin on her neckline wipe whatever remained from the scrumptious dinner. Very benevolent Cammy.

The Grudge

2007-02-27T02:42:00.000+08:00

This is how you're gonna end up looking if your hair dresser has a grudge on you. I mean Neve Campbell could've stolen some hot oil sachets or the hairdresser must've had a crush on Neve's boyfriend. She looked like she was permanently stunned by 2 million volts of electricity or SCREAMed her way to the party.

One lesson learned though, never trust your hair to just about anyone, or worse, never cut your hair yourself and pretend that you can get away with it.

I'm Back!

2007-02-27T01:09:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry guys I wasn't able to blog for several days now coz I was soo up to neck with my work I'm not even sure if when was the last time I took a shower. Ewww! Anyways, I miss blogging so much I'll be writing more than the usual today and of course, it's THE OSCARS so expect a lot of dissing from good ol' moi! Miss you guys!

Tarantu-Lash By Jlo

2007-02-20T09:56:00.000+08:00

This album cover of Jennifer Lopez's (or is it Halle Berry's) latest Spanish Album showcased the mighty powers and wonders of Photoshop. She looked powdered, matte and 2 dimensional in this photo that she almost looked like a CGI generated animation of herself(think Final Fantasy, Polar Express). And oh, notice how abnormally small her ears are? Photoshop people you are so bad!!!

And notice those freaky, ghoulish-ly long eyelashes that looked like a pair of tarantula laying their eggs on her eyes.
I am also not loving the pineapple-inspired cuff bracelet.

Jlo seemed to say, "If I keep still in this position, then I would be forever young and lovely... ohhh but my nape is hurting so bad i think I'm having a stiff neck."

Ewww.

Victoria Beckham Is Rich and Crazy

2007-02-20T08:34:00.000+08:00

When you are rich, I mean filthy, Paris Hilton rich, like say, you have a husband that earns a whopping $250 million in 5 years (and hot btw). And you are currently shopping for a spanking new house in Los Angeles between a price range of 15-30 million dollars and the only job you are tasked to do is to shop and shop and shop till you drop, somehow it will get one to think, "Why the hell is she wearing her husbands tattered sweatshirt which prolly David used to wipe his-what else but "sweat".

It probablywas used to swipe his sweaty armpits, his sweaty inner thighs and probably, though I'm not sure, he also used it to wipe his feet dry after a heavy football match.

And why would you also try to wear your son's little denim trousers and make it appear that they are actually yours eventhough it's apparent that you looked a lil' "pained" in the crotch area.

One thing I learned from Mrs. Beckham is that, you can never be too rich or too thin to be too crazy.

Hell, if I'm that rich, I might as well be crazy and wear even my boyfriends soiled boxers!

Errr---I take that back!

Ewww.

Ewww Celebrity Of The Week- Patricia Field

2007-02-20T04:51:00.000+08:00

I don't really know who Patricia Field is. But there are 3 things I'm quite sure:

1. She is too old for her Sexagenarian-Indian-Witch-Doctor/Sex-Worker ensemble.
2. Red hair is scary on her.
3. She is wearing out Television cover for crying out loud.

Paris Hilton Is Sweet And Modest

2007-02-20T04:13:00.000+08:00

Paris Hilton is such a crazy girl. I mean after all the storage fiasco that is Parisexposed.com, here she is all sweet and sunshine stealing Belle's Disney ballgown. I mean after all the coke sniffed; racial slurs; nipples akimbo and virus galore, here she is smiling as she was the poster girl of virginity and modesty. Ewww.

Paris, that gown is not for you, it's for Dakota Fanning to wear on the Disney Parade. look at the bust line, it barely covered your nipple, but who cares right? I mean EVERYBODY saw your nipple already. Even Stevie Wonder must've seen it already.

So now you feel like you are Rapunzel? Okay the Beast is coming up and he's about to rip your skanky hair extensions for stealing Belle's wedding gown so you better get your little viruses up and about to defend you from the Beast's wrath! Atleast you can give him someting to share to Beauty in case they do make out after. Ewww.

Foxy Brown Is Not A Fox

2007-02-18T06:59:00.000+08:00

Foxy Brown is not a fox, she is a RACOON with green eyeshadows.

Look at the expression on her face. It is CLASSIC. It's as if she finally smelled how horrid she actually is. Apparently, Foxy attacked two nail technicians in a beauty salon. Well I would assume that the two nail technicians started working on her mouth since it resembles a toenail if you ask me. Who wouldn't be angry if someone started painting your generous lips with lacquer right?

Btw, this is the mugshot taken from the police station, I wonder how was she able to put on that fugly eyeshadow while in the commotion and chaos of being arrested. Interesting.

Britney Does A Sinead O' Connor

2007-02-18T06:39:00.000+08:00

Via US Magazine:A source at the salon says, "Britney came in and said she wanted them to shave her head." According to the source, when the hairdresser refused, "Britney grabbed the hair clipper and started doing it herself."We were there again when at about 8:30 p.m. Britney arrived at Body & Soul Tattoo in Sherman Oaks. Store employee Emily Wynne-Hughes (in the youtube video above) tells Usmagazine.com that Britney arrived at the parlor agitated and, when asked why she shaved her head, replied, "I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of everybody touching me." Hughes adds, "She wasn't making sense at all and you could tell she's not in a good place at all, and that she is totally freaking out."

Hughes tells us Britney then got a black-white-and-pink cross tattooed on her lower hip and red-and-pink lips on her wrist. The price: $80. Britney was not an ideal subject, however.

"She was a nightmare to deal with," says Hughes. "She was screaming and flipping out from the pain and wiggling her body all around.At one point during Britney's one-hour visit, Hughes asked Britney why there was a pink stain on her fluffy white handbag and Britney said she had "spilled Nyquil all over it."

Hughes, who was somewhere between appalled and concerned by what she saw, adds, "After she left the shop we all just looked around and said to each other, 'We just saw a huge celebrity on the verge of a nervous breakdown.'"

Jennifer Lopez Weeps

2007-02-17T07:37:00.000+08:00

Jennifer Lopez's movie Bordertown recently held a mini-screening at the Berlin Film festival. And while she was waiting for viewers to go jumping up and down in delight after the screening ended, something terrible, at least for her happened.

The audience BOOED her.

She jumped from the balcony of the theater after.

Haha that was a joke, but she was indeed booed, yes it's for real girls!

She wept after that. Here are the photos.

But I am not here to talk about the crying fiasco. I'm here to talk about how J lo looked in these photos. My Gawd she is OLD. Look at all those lines. Revel at her crow's feet and laugh lines! And the MAKE UP, it looked like a cake with icing galore left under the glaring light of the spotlight to melt.

Well, you'll get over that Jlo, just open your purse and give money to Scientology and you'll see...you are going to be very happy...That's a Scientology promise.

Gwyneth Paltrow In Her First Starring Role After 2 Years

2007-02-17T07:15:00.000+08:00

Gwyneth Paltrow starring as the CORPSE BRIDE.

Aliens Are Indeed Among Us

2007-02-17T01:58:00.000+08:00

Indeed, aliens are among us and their are wreaking havoc to visually impair us earthlings. Who knows, someday they might even eat our first born child and preserve their placentas for Thanksgiving. So before that happens, we have to join forces in destroying these aliens from Scientology.
We have to save the world from these aliens in disguise as Marc Anthony, who is actually SKELETOR. Jlo who is actually a monster with a fat ass who's wearing a satin bedsheet in the photo btw, Tom Cruise, who is actually the DEVIL in disguise, Katie Holmes who is in fact the chosen one to conceive...errr whatever.

I definitely think Mariah Carey is the only person who can vanquish these alien entities. I mean she can just go on top of the tallest building and shriek her lungs out till she drops dead. I'm pretty sure their heads will explode and turn their green blood black.

But course at the end, Mariah will perkily ressurect, fake boobs and extensions smiling for the camera on her right angle and everyone will live happily ever after.

My boss is pressuring me right now so I'm kinda writing nonsense hahaha!

Ewww.

Separated At Birth

2007-02-16T09:33:00.000+08:00

Hi, I know you have seen me way way before. Ok let's play Russian Roulette...errr GUESS WHO AM I.

My movie was a big blockbuster in the early '90's

I played opposite Winona Ryder

I have unruly hair (which is obvious.)

I wear tons of foundation in the movie! Darn.

You still don't get it???? Dumb! I have SCISSORS for hands!

I give up!!

WTF! Mariah Flies Economy Class

2007-02-15T07:11:00.000+08:00

While filming Tennessee, the exciting new independent film from Oscar-worthy Mariah Carey, who btw learned a southern accent for the movie, she needed to fly to location but since the independent film is in a tight budget, Mariah had to fly there in Economy class.

Can you believe that??!! Mariah? Who once allegedly asked a hotel to spray paint butterflies on the carpet a night before her arrival would take the Economy Class?

Before you start fainting, Mariah Carey in a true diva fashion, indeed flew Economy BUT...

Bought all the seats at the Economy and flew alone on the economy cabin.

Now isn't that DIVALICIOUS?

I lurve Mimi!

Kate Moss, The Fashion World's Great Mystery

2007-02-15T06:18:00.000+08:00

All the world knows Kate is beautiful, and the camera ADORES her. Her little imperfections only sums up to a very sensual and attractive image. Her wonky eyes, her slightly crooked front teeth and of course her legs that seemed she just spent her childhood riding a carabao. Yes, she is BOWLEGGED. Just like Xtina Aguilera, they have legs that looks like a giant orifice.

But again, aside from the obvious that she's getting older, and her coke-induced lifestyle, not to mention her boyfriend who is narcotics-personified is takilng it's toll on her. She looks kinda old right? And why oh why did she have to wear something that made her look like agiant unfurled umbrella? Is it raining outside? Or is she auditioning for Swan Lake but this time the whole production will be dressed in black?

I wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. There are a lot weird things going on inside the mind of a style icon with a personal life as organized as the stars in the universe.

I mean who in their right mind would date a guy like THIS?!

DIRTY, LONG NAILS!

Ewww!!!

What is wrong with all these girls? Is it fashionable for a beautiful, successful girl to waste her time on a lesser known, destruction-in-flesh-boyfriend??

I give up.

The Sum Of All Fears: Bai Ling

2007-02-13T16:42:00.000+08:00

Ever imagine how a horror movie would look like if you crossbreed all of the scariest Hollywood and Asian films of all time? Yeah I'm into crossbreeding right now so bear with me.

Think,

The Exorcist

The Ring

The Grudge

The Messengers

And all the freaky monsters in the Thirteenth Ghosts

and what do you get?

Horrifying isn't it? I can't even look!

Selma Blair is That You?

2007-02-13T16:33:00.000+08:00

This is how Tinkerbell will look like if she loses her wings and sprinkled all her gold dust onto herself and had glorious sex with Peter Pan while he was asleep. I don't know how Peter's dong would fit but it's not my problem anymore! It's Tinkerbell's!

Somehow, she succesfully managed to look like an Easter European twink pornstar in drag. How about that???

Btw, I'm talking bout THE Tinkerbell. Paris Hilton's dog. Joking!

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Carrie Underwood

2007-02-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

The HAWAIIAN FEVER at the Grammy's didn't stop with Beyonce.

Carrie Underwood wore a dress that is a crossbreed of something a Sunday School Teacher would wear during her Praise and Worship in church and a Grass skirt for a unique hula dance. Who would have thought that mixing Hawaiian Folk Song and Country Music would sound so good! I wonder where Lilo and Stitch is?

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Fergie

2007-02-13T15:59:00.000+08:00

WARNING KIDS: This is how you're mommies gonna look like if you become disobedient.

They'd go crazy and would start peeing in their pants just like what she always tell you not to do. And she would start wearing a dress YOUR size made out of fish scales from last night grilled fish dinner. She would start hanging out with your older sister's HOT boyfriend and wear heels like that of a hooker at Sunset Boulevard.

Scary isn't it? So kids please behave or your mommies will turn out like this hideous woman in the photo. Okay?

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Beyonce

2007-02-13T15:34:00.000+08:00

Beyonce is seen her singing a song from the DREAMGIRLS movie at the Grammy's. I mean she looked hot and sexy--IF I haven't seen her like this everytime she appears EVERYWHERE.

Here she looks like a Hawaiian mermaid that somehow, magically was styed like a 40's pinup girl with perfect hair or weave; flawless make-up and glitteracious rhinestones and Swarovski here and there nevermind that it is actually WET in the ocean.

It is SO Beyonce.

What do you think Beyonce would wear at the Oscars? Correct! Beads, rhinestones, sequins and all the sparkle choke you and your first born child.

Beautiful but PREDICTABLE.

Britney Spears Is A Red Throw Pillow.

2007-02-13T15:29:00.001+08:00

And who would have thought that Britney can so fashionably fit inside a red throw pillow case? Britney Spears single-handedly destroyed the Novelty Pillow Cottage Industry. Neat.

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Shakira

2007-02-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, I didn't finish the Grammy's because staying infront of the boob tube for 4 straight hours is too much for me. But I heard, and read from the news that Shakira rocked the house with her sensual performance. And like ScarJo, I also like Shakira because she is extra ordinary in her field of expertise. Just like Paris, she is also extraordinary in the porn industry, and Nicole Richie, who also excels in numbing herself of hunger not to mention her head is also extraordinarily large for her body frame.

I lurve Shakira and much as I tried imitating her moves in the "Whenever' Wherever...whatever" video, i can't seem to emulate that fluid belly dance that she so sexily did back during her Laundry days. Yes, her album "Laundry Service". (I still can't understand why it was titled that way.)

But when I saw her hair in these photos, I was orally-fixated.

I muttered "Surely Shakira's hips don't lie, but her HAIR has no shame!"

I mean her hair is LARGE. Large and CHAOTIC.

Do small insects live there? Are there any species in that forest still unknown to human?

We will never know.

It will remain a complete mystery to human kind, but one thing is for sure though, It looked itchy from where I'm sitting. Shouldn't her song be " Hips don't LICE"?

Just a suggestion.

Grammy Awards Special 2007: Scarlett Johansson

2007-02-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

Scarlett Johansson is beautiful. That is a fact. It's like saying Mariah Carey can sing or Madonna can really dance--or Paula Abdul is mentally stable.

No one can deny that she is a standout in today's young crop of talentless, spoiled and toothpick thin celebutards (think Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton). I liked ScarJo the first time I saw her that in fact, I even fell inlove (girl-crush) with her even with her mullet 'do. I started thinking lewd thoughts about her when I saw The Girl With The Pearl Earring. And I wanna marry her when I watched Lost In Translation.

Her body type does not conform to the skinny Hollywood genre. She has hips that don't lie, and my God, her breasts has a life of their own that they seem to say "Good Morning America" everytime I see it on the big screen. She is a real Hollywood gem, with her talent and fabulous good looks, I bet she'll become one of Hollywoods screen legends in no time.

But tell me, why oh why, did she look the way she looked last night at the Grammy's. I mean her dress is ok, not necessarily breath taking, and that figure, she still has the body that can make straight girls to Rosie O' Donnell. But from the neck up, I know that you would agree with me that there is something that's not right here. I mean, her hair for starters is too blonde. It's too Anna Nicole Smith (God Bless Her Soul), too Dolly Parton-ish.

Her look reminded me of a crossbreed between Zsa Zsa Gabor and Ivana Trump. Her make-up and hairstyle is too matronish for her. She looked like the medium version of that slutty mom in one of those American Pie movies. Yes, I don't recall her name but she's the hairstylist in Legally Blonde.

Better fire your stylist ScarJo, if you don't want Justin Timberlake to leave you sooner than you can toss your bright all American hair.

Learn from Cameron Diaz. That's why she went brunette.

Fergie Wants You To Shoot Her

2007-02-13T03:28:00.000+08:00

Yeah right, shoot my here, right here, where I won't feel anything and just fall flat on the ground. I can't take it anymore, I can't take the pain and suffering that you people inflicted on me. WHY WHY!!! What did I do wrong to you? All I did was to make good music and wear ridiculous clothes and grind my hips like there's no tomorrow!

I admit! YES! I pee-ed on my pants! Happy now??!! I just thought I needed to give my all, my best for that performance because I so wanted to be the next Gwen Stefani!

But you people are so hating me I can't take it anymore! You called me zillions of ugly names I cant even recall what my real name is! You are just jealous because my sugar pie, honey cuddler Josh Duhamel is so inlove with me! But that too can't stop me from feeling this way so SHOOT ME! Right here! Right now! NOW! NOW!

2007 Grammy Special; Ciara And Nelly Furtado

2007-02-13T02:28:00.000+08:00

It seems Ciara and Nelly Furtado went to the wrong venue. They were supposed to go to the FOUR CONTINENTS FIGURE SKATING COMPETITION but they miraculously arrived at the Grammy's. They have been practicing for months to perfect their jumps, spins, step sequences, and other elements in their programs but got the surprise of their lives when they ended up at the awards show. Of course they would be doing the death spiral sequence, and hopefully, they don't end up doing that literally, since there was no ICE to SKATE at the Grammy's and they might end up like bowling balls to strike a pile of Grammy awards. Ooh, that will hurt!

Apparently, they were supposed to arrive with Oksana Baiul, but the latter chose to stay home since she forgot to wear her skirt.

She looks like a deranged and drugged playboy bunny who forgot to wear her furry costume and ended up looking like a tranny prostitute who was chased by cops during her romp thus explaining the lack of decent clothes.

Ewww.

Separated At Birth

2007-02-10T09:51:00.000+08:00

Jessica Simpson is seen here with her older sister Paula Abdul.

I knew it! They both have the same sense of fashion. I believe it wasn't Courtney Love who's touted to replace Paula Abdul. It's Jessica Simpson no less! She's perfect for the job since her own single, the runaway hit "Public Affair' is an American Idol masterpiece.
Can't wait to see these American Idol hopefuls belting their hearts out with this heart wrenching, soulful ballad that is sure to inspire kids to have a "public affair".

Goodluck people!

Ewww Hairstyle of The Week

2007-02-10T08:42:00.000+08:00

Eva Longoria is sporting a new and revolutionary hairstyle these days. It's called the KOMODO DRAGON hairstyle.

To achieve the look, one must go through 12 cans of hairspray, 1 handful of moulding clay and 13 hours of blowdrying.

Just a word of caution, you can't wear this style unless you are a celebrity, this supposedly is one way of avoiding the paparazzi from taking photos of stars at their most unexpected moments, say like, Nicky Hilton picking her nose or Britney Spears eating like a wild boar.

One thing, you can't wear this style during concerts, in the movies or in a basketball game. Unless you want rotten tomatoes thrown at you, it's best to avoid this particular style as this will TOTALLY BLOCK other people's view. They don't want to see the spaces between each of your hairstrand, or how many mili-seconds it takes before your dandruff flake hits your shoulders.

Bottomline, this hairstyle is just for celebrities. You are not Eva Longoria. You are not a komodo dragon. Ewww.

Eye Candy From Manila

2007-02-10T07:02:00.000+08:00

Some Filipino eye candy for you to enjoy over the weekend.

Drool.

Phoebe Price Who?

2007-02-10T04:17:00.000+08:00

No no no! She is not Mena Suvari hiding two lollipops under her cheeks. She is Phoebe Price, honestly I don't know her, but I just find her interesting to look at. Yes I know, she looks like one of the melted reject version of Madame Tussaud's wax figure of Mena. But then again, why would Madame Tussaud waste their time on her? What is Mena famous for btw? Her horrid bangs or her swollen nips?
Going back, I would like you to make a guess on what happened to Phoebe Price's face. Here are the options:

She was punched in the face by her boyfriend explaining the two bumps in her cheeks.
She had her boyfriends balls implanted on her cheeks.
She was hiding candies inside her cheeks.
She had mumps but it mysteriously grew on her cheeks.

Care to add more?

Ewww.

Steelerblogger said...
Ladies and gentleman the unveiling of the first butt to face transplant. We were in the operating room for 48 hours and we tried to make her cheek so they wouldn't look like her "cheeks" but alas we were unsucessful.
5:52 AM

Resourceful Mischa Barton

2007-02-10T03:58:00.000+08:00

Let it not be said that Mischa Barton is not resourceful. Why, who could ever thought that attaching your old, stained and yellowing bedroom curtain to your brassiere would be so fashionable? No one else but good ol' Mischa herself.

Mischa's fashion mantra is "If you are young, hot and pretty, you can get away with almost anything-even wear a dead rat for a hat will be sooo cool!" Thanks to her stylist, Rachel Zoe, the 35 year-old zombie, all she did was to gather the old curtain from Grandma's ancestral home and using industrial strength tape (which Lil' Kim found to be so useful in covering her privates) attach it to her bra and--poof-- off she goes to the party!

I'm not even the least worried if Mischa's character in the TV Show THE O.C. was prematurely killed-- why she can assume the position of hosting the Shabby Chic Show in case the host decides to retire in the future.

Fusing fashion with thrift finds will be sooo exciting don't you think? Bravo Mischa!

I Am So Gonna Hate Myself For Saying This

2007-02-10T03:07:00.000+08:00

I hate to say this and I know I will be flogging myself later tonight as punishment, but I have to admit...ugh! Jennifer Lopez looked good in this photo.

THERE! I said it. Fine.

Strike me if you would. Take my first born child! Gorge my eyes out if it makes me sinful.

She still has SKELETOR for a husband. Blech. Atleast that thought will let me sleep at night.

(Click on the photo to enlarge.)

Spice Girls Circa 2007

2007-02-09T07:27:00.000+08:00

Time flies so fast.

The last time I remembered, I was so crazy for this pop girl group SPICE GIRLS that I swear I would trade my parents for a pair of their concert tickets. I would literally sell my soul to the devil just to have Baby Spice's sky high, fall-inducing platform boots, never mind if it'll break my achilles tendon on half so long as I could strut the street in this fashion fiasco of a shoes. Who cares! It was so "in" at that time! I lurve Baby Spice and of course Ginger especially her Union Jack dress.

Fast forward to the present.

Flop solo albums, several kids; booze, smoke and crystal meth not to mention different husbands after, let me present to you Baby Spice And Ginger Spice!

Now let me repeat that. Let me introduce to you... BABY BOOM SPICE and GRANDMA SPICE!

Ewww.

Rest In Peace Anna Nicole Smith

2007-02-09T06:43:00.000+08:00

R.I.P.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH

1967-2007

Anna Nicole Smith Dies After Collapsing
Former Playboy Playmate, Reality TV Star Was 39
By SUZETTE LABOY, AP
HOLLYWOOD, Fla. (Feb. 8) - Anna Nicole Smith, the voluptuous former Playboy centerfold who married an octogenarian billionaire and waged a legal battle for his fortune all the way to the Supreme Court, died Thursday after collapsing at a hotel. She was 39.

The blond bombshell - who recently became tabloid fodder all over again after the sudden, apparently drug-related death of her 20-year-old son - was stricken while staying at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and was rushed to a hospital. Edwina Johnson, chief investigator of the Broward County Medical Examiner's Office, said the cause of death was under investigation and an autopsy would be done on Friday. A private nurse called 911 after finding Smith unresponsive in her sixth-floor room, said Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger. He said Smith's bodyguard administered cardiopulmonary resuscitation about an hour before she was declared dead. Through the '90s and into the new century, Smith was famous for being famous, a pop-culture punchline because of her up-and-down weight, her exaggerated curves, her little-girl voice, her ditzy-blonde persona, and her over-the-top revealing outfits. The curvaceous Texas-born Smith was a topless dancer at strip club before she entered her photos in a search contest and made the cover of Playboy magazine in 1992, captivating readers with her Marilyn Monroe looks. She became Playboy's playmate of the year in 1993. She was also signed to a contract with Guess jeans, appearing in TV commercials, billboards and magazine ads. In 1994, she married 89-year-old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, the head of oil-based Koch Industries, which is part of a family fortune worth at least $400 million. He died in 1995 at age 90, setting off a feud with her former stepson, E. Pierce Marshall, over whether she had a right to his estate. A federal court in California awarded Smith $474 million. That was later overturned. But in May, the U.S. Supreme Court revived her case, ruling that she deserved another day in court in her battle with her former stepson.

The Femme-Bot Strikes Again

2007-02-09T04:54:00.000+08:00

This is one of the reasons why I'm totally against Genetic Engineering. I mean, this is the finished product if you mix the genes of Josie and the Pussycats, a Garbage bag and A Femme-Bot.
I mean, look at what they have done, the world will once again be infested with yet another nuisance this time by a dominatrix robot from Uranus with the I.Q. of a goldfish.

And of course who could ignore The red LIPS. Did she just suck on a young virgin's blood? Maybe, who knows, if that's whats gonna keep her from being eternally young and fashionable. Aside from the micro chip that was secretely embedded in her skull and the silicon lurking behind the bony chest.

If I have millions to stash and a husband to die for, I might also be a femme-bot.

Luckily, I don't and I'm not.

Ewww.

But having David Beckham for a husband won't hurt!

Ola Senorita Drew Barrymore!

2007-02-09T04:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know about you but I'm really liking Drew Barrymore's dress here. I mean the silhoutte is simple and classic, but the print on the lower part of the hem is very interesting. Somehow with her classic updo and hot senorita make up, she looks like a very curvy and sexy flamenco dancer...very pretty indeed.

I'm just not too keen with the tons of gold jewelry she's wearing. I mean, can she really move her hands with all those gold in her arms? It's a wonder she was able to lift up her hands to emulate the kitschy Beyonce poses with such heavy accessories. (Btw, leave the posing stuff to Beyonce). It would have been better if she just wore one large chunky gold bracelet instead of the buffet of gold rush she donned.
If she was not Drew Barrymore, I could have mistaken her for a pretty gold merchant or a walking PAWNSHOP even .

Aside form that I can honestly say that she looks HOT. Not Paris Hilton "that's hot".

But Hot Hot!!

Whatever You Do, Don't Look At Them In The Eyes

2007-02-08T09:48:00.000+08:00

Behold! The Guardians of the Undead, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. It is an urban legend that these twins exchanged their souls to the devil to be ultra thin, so thin that you cant see them from the side.

Whatever you do, don't look at them in the eye, because by doing so, you are losing your soul one tiny bit at a time. Ok I'm looking at them right now..oh! help me please! I cant get my eyes off them because one looks like she has just came out from a shower and hastily put on her bath robe. The other one looked like she was a russian prostitute out and about for a potential customer. I know PETA members are skinning themselves up and tearing their skanky hairs because these two twins from hell just can't help wearing the furry pelt of some helpless creature.

Bambi? The flying dog from the Never Ending Story Movie? I don't know.

What I do know is that they should be washing their hair, it looked like alien crabs with 16 eyes lurk inside that mane.

Ewww.

Children Beware Of Tyra!

2007-02-08T06:50:00.000+08:00

Run little children run! Here comes the School Principal From Hell! I hear she eats little children for breakfast.
She looks about to devour your firstborn in her Deranged-And Drugged-School-Teacher-Meets-Wicked-Witch-Of-The-West outfit. Look at the boobs, I mean if her bosom looks like it's about to overflow anytime soon standing, what more if she is already sitting? It would probably explode and hurt the people around her.

I admire Tyra for being hardworking and very disciplined when it comes to work, but it wouldn't hurt if you could take a nap from time to time before attending a special occassion to prevent the look of someone who drank blood and slept in a coffin last night.

Also, has any one noticed that Tyra has very skinny legs for her frame or is it just me?

Anyway, keep your children away from her. She looks very,very hungry.

Pinkney Spears

2007-02-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

Here is Britney Spears in again, another fashion disaster. She's wearing a coat that that is a concoction of margarita, bubble gum and cotton candy chewed into one by a giant toddler. The the matching cap/shawl didnt help either.

I don't know what to say anymore.

Vanessa, You Took My Breath Away...

2007-02-07T11:13:00.000+08:00

I'm speechless...

Beautiful.

Queen Of The Oranges

2007-02-07T06:41:00.000+08:00

Jenny Mcarthy is seen here costumed as the Queen of Oranges 2007. Not only does she carry the perkiest, juiciest and need I say more--the biggest pair of oranges to herald the Orange-Picking-Season, she is also appropriately colored orangey, worn specially just for the momentous occasion.
If you will look closely, you can almost see the "pits" of the oranges and it's about to burst out of it's containers.

I'll never see oranges the same way again thanks to Jenny.

Ewww.

Enough Of The Chin, Let's Talk Abouth Mouths

2007-02-07T06:13:00.000+08:00

Random Thoughts:

What if in a perfect world, everyone is beautiful; everybody is perfect. Then everyone would be so much happier and the world would be so nice to live in.

But then again, what if the size of your vagina is exactly the same size as your mouth.

Jessica Simpson will not be happy.

Not at all.

Good thing it isn't. Because if it is, she would be in the headlines by now.

Give it to me Jessica! Awww!

Whose Chin Are You In?

2007-02-03T06:18:00.000+08:00

It's the battle of the long pointed chin. Since America loves actresses who has chins that can cut blocks of cheese in half, I have come up with two of the chinniest stars of Hollywood.
So what do these stars have in common? Let me count the ways:

Both do not exactly fit the bill of "beauty" by Hollywood standards. Reese kinda looks like a caricature version of herself, while Jennifer Aniston somehow looks kinda "manly" with her strong Greek features.
Both are well loved by fans for their American Sweetheart image. Both are famous because a lot of Americans can actually identify with them and think they are more approachable compared with real beauties e.g. Angelina Jolie and me...
Both are divorced or atleast on the process of it.
Both have soooooooooper dooooooooper goodlooking ex-husbands. Brad Pitt and Ryan Phillipe.
Both are very successfull in their acting careers. One in television and the other in the movies.
Both have CHINS that can kill an orphan. Or if in case they'd succumb to suicide, all they have to do is just bow their heads down in one swift motion and their chins would come lunging in; piercing their hearts in the process. Kidding.

So the battle of the chins has begun. Whose chin are you in? Who carries their sharp chins well?

This is the Philippines version of the chinniest celebrity. Enjoy!

What Was Mary Kate Olsen Thinking?

2007-02-03T03:47:00.000+08:00

What was Mary Kate thinking?

She was auditioning for one of the characters in Narnia-- as the hornless mountain ram.
She was posessed by a spirit of a llama.
She hates PETA so much she's wearing the fugly fur coat in defiance.
It is ver very cold in Los Angeles.
She's into the Ballerina-Meets-Neanderthal-Man-Look.

Ewww Hotness Of The Week: Daniel Radcliffe

2007-02-03T01:43:00.000+08:00

Who would've thought that the dyke-looking boy from the HARRY POTTER installment would grow up to be such a delicious looking man! I mean look at the six-packs...the trail to nirvana... I always thought he looked good sans his weird glasses but I never imagined he would this be...uhmm MANLY.

I'll never watch Harry Potter the same way again.

Prom Meets Wedding Dress

2007-02-02T08:09:00.000+08:00

"My mom's like the the greatest person on earth EVER!

Yes. I admit I got pregnant by my stupid boyfriend even before prom. But you know what? She forgave me and even designed and sew a prom dress for me. Getting boinked couldn't stop me from going to the prom duh, so here it is!
Tara!! Isn't it lovely? I mean where can you find a dress that allows you to go to PROM and celebrate the JOYS OF MOTHERHODD in one perfect dress! I dont care if i have a "trail" on my stomach, it's the dress that will steal the show! It's so understated and sublime isn't it?

Btw, meet my mom...

Isn't she gorgeous?

Photos courtesy of: uglydress.com

Sadako On Crystal Meth

2007-02-02T07:09:00.000+08:00

I don't know who's Carine Rotfield, but whoever she is one thing I'm sure though...she looked like a PLATYPUS ON CRYSTAL METH.

She seemed to say " Look at me, am I beautiful or what? Aren't you drawn by my sexiness? I'm pouting my thin lips so hard I can't even FEEL them anymore..."

She looked like she haven't had anything to eat except narcotics in chinese take-outs which was boldly exemplified through her choice of clothing. I mean who would dress up in a shirt with a caricature of herself drawn by that kid in THE RING but a deranged fashion victim. Why, she closely resembles a too tired SADAKO with hair style gone real bad.

I think she's a fashion icon of some sort or an artist but whatevs. Anyone who dresses up with some Japanese paper is a complete lunatic in my opinion. Dont you agree?

Am I Seeing Double?

2007-02-02T06:26:00.000+08:00

Which is which? Guess who is Keira Knightley here. It's a tough choice I know but, figure it out.

Hollywood Year 2037

2007-02-02T02:21:00.000+08:00

Images Courtesy Of: www.worth1000.com

Beyonce: You Must Not Know 'Bout Me

2007-02-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

Of course we all know that Beyonce' is a beautiful lady. She is also very talented. A good singer and a superb performer.
But there is something that is not right with her. Yes she is a disciplined artist and she obeys her parents like their the Mayan Gods when it comes to where her career would steer. Even the way she dresses up is dictated by her mom Tina. (hot pants anyone?)
She appears to be always on the edge to out-shine everyone. She has the obsession to wear the glitziest gowns (Gold Elie Saab gown she wore during the "you guessed it right" GOLDEN Globes). The largest, sparkliest jewelry; the most defined make-up and of course, the biggest perfect to the last strand coif nevermind if it's fake hair.
She is actually one step close to kitschiness. You know, the kind of style that you don't think about. It's right there, straight-in-your-face PRETTY.

A perfect example is the photo above. She looked like the alien diva who sang in the FIFTH ELEMENT MOVIE.

Are you getting my point? There is something terribly off with Beyonce. I didn't know what it was until I saw this photo below.

Beyonce is a MAN. A well-hung man.

Go Figure.

Ewww Bags: 2007 Louis Vuitton Collection

2007-02-01T08:28:00.000+08:00

Either Marc Jacobs has been sniffing smoke from mosquito coils and burnt rubber slippers when he "designed" these bags. I mean, my 6 year-old niece made something just like these out of Cheetos foil wrappers with trashy beadings and it was a visual assault I tell you, even if I love that kid to death.

I'm so sure that a lot of fashion victims will wear these bags never mind the fact that they actually looked like some Chinese grandmother's out for a shopping spree at the wet market that I'll even put my vagina at stake.
I mean come on! Even if you don't know anything about designs, you're eyes can never lie! These are just plain BAG-LY and RIDICULOUS. Marc Jacobs single-handedly destroyed the School For The Special Children Handmade Accessories Bazaar in one single blow.

Assault yourself.

It looked like Marc Jacobs and his design team scoured the nearest denim factory and hired blind masseurs to stitch this monstrosity resulting in this denim mish-mash horror.

louis Vuitton again scoured vintage shops to buy old, torn and insect-infested LV's and again; hiring the good ol' blind masseur to stitch it all up never ind if it still has termites and ewww insects in it.

A bag made from old, dilapidated velvet sofa from an old woman's house. Never mind the miser owned 12 cats that frequently pooped on the couch. Ewww. Again, service from the blind masseur was utilized.

Buttons galore! What more can I say but EWWW.

Angry Kevin Federline

2007-02-01T06:40:00.000+08:00

There is something really "catty" about Kfed's expression in the photo. Is he turning into an angry cat because of Britney's skanky ways? Or because he loved his kids so much he's willing to go into a public "catfight" with Britney just to have the right to his kids? I dont know about you but I think Kfed is so upset when he saw these photos of Britney looking like a fat, overfed-with-Purina-Chow feline with bursting mammaries to boot.

If I had a wife who dressed like she's about to breast feed the entire Ethiopian refugee camp, I'd most probably have that feline expression that looks like I'm about to bite someone anytime.

Oh! Hit her one more time! Meow!

Hideosity Celebrity Of The Week: Rachel Zoe

2007-02-01T05:38:00.000+08:00

And she says she's only 35!

Rachel Zoe on the Red Carpet of The War Veterans Association Of America.

Britney Spears: Exorcist 2007 (The Case Of The Pantiless Coochie)

2007-01-31T11:20:00.000+08:00

Hello y'all! Britney Spears is set to do the remake of the scariest movie of all time. Britney will star in the EXORCIST 2007 The Case Of The Pantiless Coochie.

The story revolves around a girl who was possesed by an evil spirit lurking on a scary hair extension she bought from Jessica Simpson. According to movie critics, this will be one of the greatest performance of her life. Ressurecting her stalling career to it's once stellar status as a diva and Pop Princess.

In this movie, she will scare little children and scar them for life with the monster lurking in-between her legs. She will also show her thespic versatility by eating everything that emits odor and stuffing them inside her thunder thighs.

Below is a caption of on of the best scenes in the movie.

Tyra's Airing Out The Pits

2007-01-31T06:22:00.000+08:00

Why, for the love of God would anyone as famous and rich as Tyra Banks would go out in public wearing a sleeveless top and an UNSHAVEN armpit? I mean I'm totally grossed out!

I love Tyra! Don't get me wrong. I love her style, her beauty and humour. But I don't like HAIRY, MOIST armpits with slather of deodorant cream on it even on my mom!

I mean she can buy a zillion shaver or razor or whatever! In fact she can even buy the ENTIRE razor company if she wants to!

To Tyra,

It would take only 5 minutes to quickly shave the pits. It doesn't have to necessarily look like someone's airing out an orangutan's vagina. 5 minutes only.

Love,

Girl Next Door.

The Stunned Look From Posh

2007-01-31T02:47:00.000+08:00

The "femme-bot" is channeling a Cinderella-From-Hell-Meets-A-Deranged-Electrocuted-KFC-Chicken-Look at one of her recent outings in Los Angeles.

She called this "THE PERMANENTLY STUNNED LOOK".

I mean look at that lifeless almost zombie-like pallor. Look at the surprised, humorless stare that somehow says " Look at me, im beautiful...look at me, I'm beautiful..." over and over again.

At one angle, she looked like an oversized ballerina statuette atop music box.

I'm having a great urge to spin her non stop now.

Ewww.

Ewww Celebrity Of The Week: Angelica Panganiban

2007-01-30T07:15:00.000+08:00

I rarely post articles about the celebrities from my dear, dear homeland which is the Philippines. Because I find their stories a bit on the boring side. But when I came about this article about a child star turned sexy actress Angelica Panganiban, I can't help but to write something about it.

Look at the picture above.

Isn't she a picture of innocence and lust packed in one beautiful body? It's like an angel's head was cut off and connected to a body of a devilishly sinful woman. Child/woman if I may add.

Until I saw the following pics.

I so love photoshop! Don't you??

Paris Exposed...Ewww!

2007-01-27T07:25:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say anymore...we have seen Paris Hilton's private parts more than we saw episodes of Days of Our Lives and Melrose Place combined. Any how, for those who still wish to have their eyes gorged, here's Paris Hilton once again in retrospect.

Don't scroll down if you don't wanna be scarred for life.

In tribute for her latest stunt at being "exposed" apparently, where the celebutard did what she does best--baring her skin for all the world to see. (See parisexposed.com)

Further more, here's a partial list of materials that was included in the storage facility of Paris Hilton.

* Prescription bottles for Hydrocodone, a painkiller similar to OxyContin used to manage anxiety disorders, post-party sleep aid Ambien and the herpes medication Valtrex.
* A medical bill from a Los Angeles clinic, billing an "Amber Taylor" - with the same birth date as Paris - for a miscarriage in March 2003.
* A journal analyzing her booze-fueled dreams.
* Her reality TV co-star Nicole Richie's University of Arizona ID card.
* Sister Nicky's Nevada marriage certificate.
* Several bank statements, including one with an ending monthly balance of just $9.26.
* Home videos she shot of visits with her sick grandmother.
* To-do lists that include an assortment of errands, including a reminder to buy Christmas gifts.

And in true Paris Hilton fashion, here she is, smoking a TAMPON. Ok I give up.

Ewww Stars Without Make Up Part II

2007-01-27T05:52:00.000+08:00

Yes I know. Looking at the photos above would make you wonder if they are the celebrities that you look up to. given any other day, you could've mistaken them for the laundry woman, or the girl who dresses the chicken in the meat shop, why just by looking at Eva Longoria here makes me wanna throw her a coin and give her temporary shelter.

They looked messed up, beaten and downright ugly. But some of them look pretty okay sans the make up. Natural beauties like Mischa Barton, Drew Barrymore and Jessica Simpson still looks ravishing.

For the rest, I could just pray that they don't go wondering around in the night or they might give someone a fancy fright.

As illustrated below.

Hillary Duff. (I'm concerened about the shaved brows though.)

She looks so much like the beggar downtown... dreamgirl?! DREAM ON!

Beyonce's Brand Of Deodorant

2007-01-27T02:37:00.000+08:00

Beyonce is seen here promoting her latest business venture. It's not a make up or even fragrance this time. Beyonce is now selling her own brand of deodorant and anti perspirant.

Beyonce swears this product is so good and effective, it does not only protect you from unsightly sweaty pits, it also is a deo-whitener with triple whitening action. It is so good it can even make black pits WHITE as amply illustrated by Miss Knowles.

"All you women independent! Throw your hands above me!"

Side Dish Courtesy Of Jessica Simpson

2007-01-25T11:07:00.000+08:00

Jessica Simpson: This should do it. I know Nick couldn't resist my wonder twins especially if he sees it like this. What does that Vanessa Hohillo have that I don't? I have breast that can stop the war in Iraq.
Why I would do anything, everything just to have Nick back! I would even drown and orphan just to have him by my side again! I haven't had SEX in like months now and I miss Nick pushing his hard manhood on me while singin "THE HARDEST THING".

Never mind John (Mayer).
He can only sing "MY BODY IS A WONDERLAND", as if comparing my body to an amusement park is FUNNY.

This is just between us---I think John is GAY. Sshhh... You might say his hand on that photo was reaching for my boobies? No no no! He's actually feeling the quality of my dress. He can actually tell who the designer was.

I mean no straight guy would know that right?

Just a secret. It's not a PUBLIC AFFAIR ok? Cheers!

Jane Goody Shows Us

2007-01-24T11:09:00.000+08:00

Jane Goody (from BIG BROTHER fame). Shows Us How A Bursting Tomato Looks Like.

Ewww Celebrity Of The Week: Fantasia Barino

2007-01-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

She looks like the product of the bizarre love triangle of Oprah, Mr. T, and Tyra Banks without a straight jacket on.
Seriously I would die of hypertension and would literally fall stiff dead if I come across her in some alley on one moonless night.

Fairy Tales And Cartoon Characters As Interpreted By Lil' Kim

2007-01-23T02:54:00.000+08:00

Lil' Kim as GOLDILOCKS/EXORCIST/TABOO 2

Lil Kim' played the role of Goldilocks who somehow managed to get lost inside the set of the Exorcist. After the make up and prosthetics was applied, she blindingly went to another set but this time, to a porn flick where again she gets to be gang banged by 40 men (of different Animal Kingdoms btw). Luckily, only one was infected with crabs and he was taken out from the American Kennel Club.
Lil Kim on THE THREE LIL' PIGS

Her most true-to-life role ever. Lil' Kim played the part of the the bastardized daughter of one of the pigs and the big bad wolf. After the big bad wolf blew on the straw house, he saw the pig lying seductively on the floor, being the BAD WOLF that he is, he threw all his cares and made love with the sex-starved hog.
Lil' kim got the snout from her mom, and the brown pelt from his dad. Perfect.

Lil' Kim as SMURFETTE.
Only this is the X-rated, porn version of the beloved blue dwarf. Of course in this version, Lil' Kim dreams of being gang-banged by a troop of smurfs headed by Papa Smurf! Oohh incest at its finest! Wait for the grand finale where Lil' Kim will be showered by neon blue man juices by every male smurf in the land BUKAKE style.

Lil' Kim as the PINK PANTHER

Only this time, she is actually a black jaguar (is there any other colored jaguar other than black?) posing (and spray-painted) as the pink panther. I don't even know what to say anymore. Haha!

Lil' Kim as Hannibal Lecter meets Ice Princess

Here, Dr. Lecter woke up from his cell feeling a little itchy on the genital area. Lo and behold! He had changed into a girl, a black, midget ugly girl with an insatiable urge to scratch her groin. He looked in the mirror and saw the shock of her life! This is what he got from munching on other peoples brains and innards.

He can actually live the fact that he turned out to be a dwarfed black woman with ugly contact lenses, but it's the itchiness and burning sensation in between his legs that he can't seem to live with. Have mercy he pleads!

And of course, who can forget Lil' Kim reprising her role as the biological mother of Gizmo in GREMLINS 2007. (Look for the Gremlins 2007 entry on the archives pls.)

Golden Globe Special: Rinko Kikuchi

2007-01-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

Rinko: Moshi moshi! Oh my, where am I? I was supposed to be at the Pasadena Parade of Roses representing the Empress of wilted, air-dried flowers. If I had known I'd be at the Globes I would've worn...what else! A dress made out of GLOBES! Now that would've been real classy. SAYONARA!

Golden Globe Special: Kate Winslet

2007-01-20T10:18:00.000+08:00

I dont know--but I think there is something eerily wrong with Kate Winslet's face. I mean the dress is nice and her figure is all woman--REAL woman if I may add. The hair is fabulous and the color fits perfectly with her skin tone.

But then again, there is something really odd and disturbing about the FACE. Something is androgenously wrong. Her face looks like a cross section of Brooke Shields during her blue Lagoon days and Jim Carrey as a Joker in that blockbuster poison Batman with George Clooney.

It must be the Frida Kalo-ish eyebrows, which I must say--was rather dark for her hair.
It could be the lips that looked like she had an all-day binge with red Japanese paper; or maybe her kid painted her mouth red while she was sleeping.

Over all, Kate Winslet did a great job. She's very pretty...or handsome.

Whatever.

Golden Globe Special: Paris Hilton

2007-01-20T06:12:00.000+08:00

I can almost smell grandma cooking just by looking at this photo of Paris Hilton.

I mean don't you just love the smell of charcoal grilled chicken wrapped in foil to preserve the moist juices of that sucullent meat. The tender, melt in your mouth taste, slowly roasting to delicious perfection.

Only to be disappointed to find out that the supposedly juicy chicken is nothing more than just an over roasted piece of emaciated sick fowl with blonde feathers and a disease that's more deadly than Bird's Flu.

No thanks. I'll pass. Ewww.

Golden Globe Special: Cameron Diaz

2007-01-19T03:46:00.000+08:00

See what you have done to Cammy, Justin? You broke her heart, and she is just a mess. I mean what could be the reason for her to wear a dress made out of bathroom tissue? But I salute Cameron for being such a brave little girl...ok she's not actually little. She's a giant actually...but I have to say that cause she's so broken hearted and she deserves a little pat on the back--if I can reach it btw.

She's not only brave, she's also practical. Of course she knows that 2 years worth of passionate relationship is not easy to forget. NEVER. So she wore something where she can just reach down and grab some tissue if she feels like sobbing or blowing her nose especially the fact that she and Justin are just arms away from each other during the Globes.

You can make it Cammy. You can get through this.

And please dye your hair blonde again.

Hugs.

Golden Globe Special: Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen

2007-01-18T10:44:00.000+08:00

When every member of the female population aged 18 and above would literally kill to look 12, even drink a concoction of pureed queen termite and lemon juice if it promises eternal youth and beauty; I can't believe these two soul-less millionares would go the extra mile to look like 78 year old matrons out-and-about town-to play backgammon. What with the hideous turn-of the-century pouch and fur coat; the peroxide-rich blonde mane that looks fabulous-- on Helen Mirren or Dame Judi Dench; and the perennially present smoky shadow that reminds you of Marlene Dietrich after so many bottles of vodka on a workless night.

To quote one blogger "Almighty Christ! Somebody PLEASE bury these twins to the ground because they are so asking for it."

Couldn't agree more.

Golden Globe Special: Jennifer Lopez

2007-01-18T08:04:00.000+08:00

I'm such a fashion diva. Who else can turn a table cloth into a dazzling gown but good ole me! I'm sure Skeletor would love it! Ola!

Golden Globe Special: Teri Hatcher

2007-01-18T05:28:00.000+08:00

I am so mad. I am STARK mad. Who wouldn't be. Let me tell you what happened within the last 24 hours.

I was so busy preparing for the Globe that I made appointments with my stylist, my make up artist, hairstylist, my cosmetic surgeon even my florist that I completely forgot that I have absolutely nothing to wear for the show!
Egad! I remembered about it when my personal assistant asked me where I kept my gown!
You can imagine the trauma I experienced! Suddenly, the wrinkles on my forehead deepened and the laughlines that I famously have remained imprinted on my face even if I wasnt laughing anymore. I thought of shopping for a dress myself but I had so many appointments, so I pop me some pills to relieve the tension I was feeling and told my assistant that she can go ahead and shop a dress for me.

Any DRESS as long as it fits!

I dont f***ng care if I totally look like a desperate housewife as long as I have some piece of cloth strapped on me at the Golden Globe's.

Last thing I know, I woke up almost 2 hours before the show started. My assistant forgot to buy me a dress, I missed my appointments with the stylist, hairstylist, make up artist, even my friggin manicurist! What a desperate housewife to do! I asked my household help to get that white bedsheet and create a dress for me pronto! But a white dress would be so simple and stark so I took the ribbon around my Christmas tree which btw was still standing at the corner of my room and wrapped it around my torso.

There.

Oh the face.

I washed my face with ice cold water to numb the lines.

Waaaaa. It numbed my face. I cant even open my eyes properly. Oh darn it.

The hair? What hair. Forget the hair.

Hideosity Celebrity of the Week

2007-01-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

Whitney Houston

Here she is munching on human flesh after her sanity has gone astray. Is she up for a major role for Apocalypto II rehearsing her lines? (flesh-eating). The role calls for atleast 2 months of no bodily contact with water of any form and as much smear of dirt as she can get.

Of course it wouldn't hurt that the former diva has been wasting away her once gorgeous and lithe body all this time even before role was offered. The casting calls for her to immediately lose weight at all cost. Crystal meth and coke was the first thing that popped in her mind, after all, doing coke and meth for a week straight will do the job perfectly.

Look at our PRIME example.

Of course having a hoarse, apocalyptically-errie voice should follow suit, and Whitney did the job with aplomb. Have you heard her sing recently?

It's like walrus sucking a penis.

A big fat, lazy, BROWN, coke-laden penis.

I believe this will be one of her life's greatest performance. Ewww.

Breast-lace

2007-01-16T10:19:00.000+08:00

Jodie Marsh (I think it's Nicole Richie post feeding and breast implants) models the latest in jewelry innovations.
She had it recently patented to complete the jewelry system that is the ring, bracelet and necklace.

And now we present to you the BREASTLACE.

It is made especially for formal gatherings such as weddings, which will surely change the way the "garter" is placed.
It is also appropriate for your first date, surely this will catch your date's attention and you'll be sure hes eyes will never EVER wander around other girls.

You can also wear this glamorous jewelry when you meet your future parents-in-law; or maybe when you go out and watch a basketball game or a movie.

This piece of classic jewelry can be worn anytime, anywhere even on your kids baptismal.

Call 1-800-SKANKYHO to order one!

If you call now, you might even get the complimentary vaginalace as a free gift so hurry!

Ewww Blast From The Past

2007-01-16T09:49:00.000+08:00

In honor of the recent Golden Globe awards being held like practically tonight, we here at Ewww Factor dived into the Golden Globes Archives to bring you some of the most ewww-worthy outfits and the crazy skank that wore them.
When I clicked on the archive, nothing else jumped off from the screen and illicited a terrible vomiting more than Paula Abdul's dress/torture wear last 2005 Golden Globes.

Is this some sort of a silent protest to the award giving body? Does she want to relay a silent message to the prestigious awards show? Because Paula Abdul literally squeezed the life out of her "golden globes" that it overflowed, painfully to her underarms .
I can just imagine the pain she went through just to show her protest against the Golden Globes. Then to add insult to injury, she gathered every table blanket in the hotel where she stays and transformed it into a frilly skirt to complete the golden girl look.

My own breast quiver in disgust just thinking of that. Ewww.

Ewww Spice

2007-01-16T05:29:00.000+08:00

Nice try Mrs. Beckham.
Don't even think--not even for a second--that just because the hotness--that is your husband, David Beckham agreed to bend it in L.A. that you have the right to act up all snotty and arrogant. I know that you made it a point to forget the word smile in your vocabulary and that you made a pact with the devil just so he will turn you into a fashion icon which you so desperately want to become.
One question, how cold is it really in L.A.?
I mean I have seen you wear less fabric when you were in London and I bet, it is way, much colder there right? But why oh why, do you have to wear a fur coat (an ugly one) under the glaring sun of California?
And did an already exctinct primate have to die for someone who uncannily looks like--erm an emaciated primate, to wear his pelt.

The fur is horrible btw.

It looked smelly... it probably is. It looked like it's a good breeding ground for lice, and vaginal ticks. They must be partying like crazy underneath that horrible fur.

And please Ms. Beckham, for the good of everybody, smile.
It wont hurt, it's FREE and you will save thousands of dollars from rhinoplasty to fix that nose that has holes that never fails to let us see everything inside your head-which has only thoughts of the next fashion purchase and images of your husband's "golden balls"; and we are not talking about David's game here.
Just smile. Please.
Because a wide smile might actually redirect those annoying holes and we might be able to see you as--somewhat charming.
They might even give you bananas if you're lucky.

Ewww-Worthy Celebrity Of The Week

2007-01-15T19:22:00.000+08:00

Oh Tara. I thought you've learned. Isnt tripping drunk on the alley, barfing your dinner onto someone and scaring kids with your botched stomach enough to learn your lesson. I mean having breasts that droop 2 centimetres every minute is bad enough, but looking like a flapper meets pornstar is worse. I mean if Jack the Ripper was alive, he'd prolly rip your chest and set you free from that--something--whatever it is in your chest.

Not unless he sees your Frankenstein-ish stomach. I'm sure he'd go running to the police for protection.

Honestly Tara, I liked you before. I even liked you here. Remember when you promised to stay sober and clean?

You look very very pretty here.

Honestly, you looked like Jenna Jameson's older sister in the first 2 photos, and please--oh sweet goodness-- spare us the feather headress. It's not fair that some bird suffered just to be on top of that hideous skanky extensions. Give them back to Britney where they rightfully belong.

The dress is pretty though. And the shoes.

Tara, just lay of from the booze and meth and you'd look fine. There is still time. As long as a certain Paris Hilton is alive, you still have the chance to redeem yourself

I just don't know bout the stomach.

Gremlins 2007

2007-01-13T04:14:00.000+08:00

A long awaited sequel to the Gremlins movie is slated to be released this year. This particular sequel is extra special because a well-respected fashion and musical genius will appear as the lead role for this Oscar-worthy feature film.

I present to you.

Lil' Kim as the biological mother of Gizmo.

Soon. In theathers near you.

Run.

Paris Hilton vs. Foundation

2007-01-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

Paris Hilton just declared war.

War against foundation, face powders, illuminants.
You name it.

She feels the need to wipe out the entire planet of this basic, pore clogging comedogenic product. This she says, is her contribution for humanity.

How is she doing it? By making sure she consumes every powdery product she encounters; down to the last flicker of dust.

Scrub the sponge like there's no tommorow; till she reaches the metal base of each compact.

And the last act of heroism and self sacrifice...

She swipes it all onto her face while staring up to high heavens and shouting " Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do..."

Hail St. Paris.

St. Paris on her courageous way to the fashion guillotine.

Feel her pain. Feel her sorrow. The ultimate sacrifice.

To Be Frank Ms. Franklin...

2007-01-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

To be frank Ms. Aretha Franklin---I still can't believe my eyes when I saw this photo of yours. I mean, with all due respect, YOU are the Queen of Soul. But why oh why, do you have to bare your "soul" to us in this-I dont even know what it is- DRESS. Do you think that by wearing pearls, it will divert our eyes to the colossal twin of talents that you possess...

And what's that, do I see a troop of, ugh "blackheads" on your mammaries? Sure you got great voice, but once onstage, people can't help but to ignore the Voice once the jugs gets juggling.
And what is that I see atop the decolletage'? A brooch that mimics her nipples?

I wanna go out and shoot something.

I feel sad for the straps that support those herculean hobos.

And to the designer of the dress.
Thank you. For using only the finest, industrial grade materials, for Ms. Franklin's dress. Atleast her fans would be protected form the horrifying probability of her boobies being exposed, and scarring us, and the generations after us... for life.

Hollywood Power Toys! I Likey Likey!

2007-01-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

Some of Hollywoods Power Toys. Some sort of status symbol for the A-listers of Tinseltown. Some are downright silly, but oh-so expensivo!

Drool.

IWC watches. The sleek Portuguese Automatic runs on the flick of a wrist (literally - it winds each time you move; unworn, it keeps ticking for a week). Warner Bros. execs and actors such as Orlando Bloom sport them. $10,400

Well, guys have more reason to "flick their wrists" more often. Not just by wasting their precious juices from time to time.

Persol sunglasses. Alec Baldwin and Danjaq's Keith Snelgrove pop out the dark lenses and use the frame to hold prescription glasses. Jack Nicholson wears them as shades, indoors and out. $159

Motorola Miniblue headset. This hands-free wireless Bluetooth headset - due out in a few months - fits neatly inside the ear. A built-in microphone tunes out background noise and allows you to talk on your cellphone from up to 30 feet away. Comes with a three-inch-long portable charger.

Now there's a new reason why ears were created aside from being earwax containers.

Jennifer Meyer jewelry. The stylish designs from the daughter of Universal Studios president and COO Ron Meyer have been scooped up by agents and execs at CAA. Her latest creations, 18kt-gold bangles accented with diamonds, add some shine to Jennifer Aniston's wrist. $1,100 each

With these bangles, women have more options on where they can slip their fingers in.

Diamond iPod Nano case. The secret downside to iPod Nanos is how fingerprint-coated they get the moment you handle them. What better way to protect it and guarantee that like-new gleam than by covering it in diamonds? Created as a promotion for the International Gem and Jewelry Show, this is one sparkly case-it's made of white gold set with over 580 diamonds (10.32 carats total). Shiny! $12,495

Who cares about the Nano anymore. Give me some of that bling cases and I'll barter my Nano anytime without batting an eyelash.

Blackberry cover. Let's start with the Blackberry. We know you're addicted to it, we know it's indispensable, but unlike most tech toys you can't show off your superior taste by sporting a cool new style-they all look pretty much the same. There are lots of cases out there, but for the best and most beautiful, turn to Dunhill, which offers everything from crocodile to ostrich foot to shagreen, the pebbly grey skin of stingrays. The latter is truly stunning, and will add a dash of 50s flair to your day-to-day routine. (Dunhill also has a case for PSP game systems, in case you'd rather shoot baddies than check email.) $1135

One of the reasons why stingrays plotted revenge on humans. Even Steve Irwin (RIP) had to suffer for this. Imagine being skinned just so you can have luxurious cases for blackberry. Why can't they make cases made out of scrotum??

Jimmy Choo pumps. Angelina Jolie has the Empire heels (left, in leopard-print calf hair; $520) in a variety of heights. The four-inch Merrit (right, in tan leather; $485) seamlessly morphs from business professional to sexy evening, making it the industry standard.

All the more reason for cheating husbands to fear their wives. One strike of these potent pointed pickers and I'm pretty sure even the horniest man will change their sinful ways and repent with open arms and on bended knees.

Motorola Q. The Sundance set got a preview of the Q, a super-skinny phone/e-mail device and one of the first instruments to run on Windows 5.0. It debuts in the next few weeks and comes stocked with Bluetooth, camera, video, and MP3 capability.

Oh what a nice looking calculator! What??!! It isn't? oh ok...

Empty Vase flowers. This florist makes regular deliveries for ICM and brings arrangements to names like Jennifer Lopez and Hollywood heavyweight Sam Nazarian, who gets orchids at home every week. $79, as shown;

Flowers! flowers! What are we without flowers! Where will the bees buzz without the flowers and it's oozing nectar!

Xbox 360 game system. Producers are addicted to its games, such as Halo, and even George Clooney was wait-listed for it. $399

I dont know what to say here. I'm not a techie person and I enjoy physical, realistic games, say like, horseplaying or butt-slapping or cock s***ing.